:-)

有时候，东西习惯了就好。

看看四周，欣赏大自然的美，
其实没什么是过不去的。

最重要，要懂得珍惜所拥有的一切。

:-D

夏天

Inspired by LFO - Summer Girl (1999)

来吧秋天
我不怕
最痛心的事
也只不过是一两天
的愁
你这一季的落叶
有什么了不起？

冬天的寒
和冻
扑向我的身体
侵袭和考验
测试我的耐力
微弱的心跳
却是强烈的信息
要告诉你
我还没放弃！

春的虚伪
美丽和骗局
早被看透了
一年之计在于春?
开什么玩笑
希望？憧憬？
少来这一套儿戏吧

听的是90年代的歌
哼着的是21世纪初期的曲
写的是8000年的文字
而我
此时此刻
只想念
上一季的夏天



小明

无题

凉凉的风吹又吹，把树木打得很吵杂， 意味着秋天将临；但我始终不断地在猜想，干嘛云朵现在才浮现呢？夏天的云呢？你来迟了！

我想多一阵要到海边去散散心，因为最近，心， 有点乱，可能是因为开始忙碌起来了；空闲时， 累了，心里却有问不完的迷惑，疑问。

希望时间能给我一个交代，至少能够安抚我，最近起落无常的心情。

想要好好休息一下脑子，暂时应该不会乱你们。哈哈。。


小明

落幕的木偶

我答应多自己不再回往旧事，不再低落和萎靡不振，我几乎做到了。但有时有些事情让我很beh tong,还是会有emo的时候。

感觉已呆滞
但生活
还是不断的
前进
上演着面无表情的
歌剧

不知道是好
还是坏
还是得为人们
在舞台上
被挥舞
舞台下
世人为我欢呼

而这僵硬的四肢
曾经有过炙热的心
却不停的
往着无底悬崖
跌落下去.

我献上的那一支舞蹈
是我求救的暗号
那首轻快的匈牙利民歌
是我木头身躯的嚎啕
每一步机械化的摆动
更是复活莎士比亚
的百年歌舞悲剧

空白的脑袋
还不能理解
过去和明天
要哭要笑
或生和死
上帝啊，
到底谁能还原我
感情酸甜苦辣
加上
一颗不停跳动的心？

在台下
正退潮的掌声
迎接了木偶谢幕的一面

我很绅士的一鞠躬
然后再到后台

悄悄地哭泣

小明

在地铁时

我在火车厢里的电动门旁，我看到了她。不是她，是很像她的女孩。
那把亚洲人的秀发，还有那有点儿发红的脸蛋儿；鼻梁上挂着一幅眼镜。

暗里吓了一跳，当时的错觉很厉害。心跳很自然的加速，不知道为什么。
我开始还真的以为是她，最后看多几眼，原来这妞子的眼睛较小。

你说你喜欢了别人，
我也很努力的尝试不去想你
直道了在地铁的那天，
我才发现到，
我还忘不了，你。

小明

华社。精神

华社在马来西亚，有种精神。它叫作“坚持”。

华教斗士，沈慕羽先生离开了他斗争的场地，

但却传承了不死的奋斗精神，给我们这一代，

他的坚持，使到我们今天有华文书读，

使到华社还能在这片土地上，骄傲的说，Ｉ　ａｍ　ａ　Ｍａｌａｙｓｉａｎ　Ｃｈｉｎｅｓｅ．


就是他，为了争取华社在马来西亚的平等地位，

拼搏了他的一生，

他说过

“华教尚未平等，同道仍须努力！”

沈慕羽（１９１３－２００９）

我相信啊。。我相信。　我们还需努力！
沈老先生，您放心，华文教育永远不会被打败，
祝你一路好走！





小明

500 dollars and 50cents

I passed a 500 dollars test yesterday

then I treated myself a 50 cents Mc Donald Sundae Cone.
I love their Sundae Cone here coz it has very strong MILK taste, plus, it's cheap > 50cents

I was lucky to have met Tony, the examiner from City West center.
If not I would not have passed so easily.

And if I really failed yesterday, I would really really cry for the examiner to see, for my 500 dollars.

And If really failed, then like what fren said, it would be KNS. KNS!

Feel like cubit-ing him now. Tony is so cute :)

damn i must be out of my mind.

Sorry I'm over excited now

writing also out of order



WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO~~~~~

Failure

Well, I have to admit one thing.

I often FAIL in my life. Many things.

I fail in school exams, I fail to entertain people, I fail to earn more money, I fail to remember small things in my life, I fail to fulfill other people's wishes, MOST OF THE TIME.

But tell you what, I AM NO 100% FAILURE.
I do succeed in some areas, but of course, just very few of them.
Success comes with a price, and very often, successes are VERY EXPENSIVE.

To me, hard work is only sap sap water. The "really" "hard" thing is mental suffer. When you expect something to happen, you have hope. When you have hope, you'll get disappointed easily.

To suffer psychologically is very bad. You get bored easily. You'll lose direction in your life. The worst thing, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY DOUBT YOURSELF.

When you doubt yourself, GAME OVER. Bye bye. You'll dive into a bottomless sea and never get to the surface anymore.

But I always believe in one thing when coping with serious challenges:


"Prepare for the worst, and work the best out of yourself."


This theory keeps me running until tonight. Tomorrow? Dont know.


Please let meeeeee PASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

I DONT WANNA FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

不怕破财消灾， 只怕没钱破财。T.T

我好在容易心软，坏在不够狠！显！

烟花

(26th January of each year is the Australian Day, in which on that day, people will celebrate with the spectacular Lotterywest Skyworks along the Swan River, a river mouth that connect to the Indian Ocean. Viewing it from condominiums from afar is an even better option! :))

大自然已经熄掉了
夏天的烈阳
自己的呼吸
与开始放缓节奏的大地
疏远 和相对

孤雁划过天鹅河畔的上空
留下了一道裂痕
但心中的 伤口
却随着海风的狂吹
而淡化了许多

我在等什么？
瞭望台的远处
倘有夕阳的残骸
另一边就已经
有细小的火苗
很急凑的
一颗一颗往上升

从一个不起眼的火种
飞奔到了珀斯的顶端
轰 轰 轰
耀眼的七彩火花
又再新一年的第二十六天
重燃人类的寄托
和希望

有人趁此许愿
有人趁此祷告
有人载歌载舞
有人醉酒熏天

唯有我
凝视着一道道
似从天河留下的
银色水帘

一颗颗
犹如生活里的彩色
和酸甜苦辣
的烟花

告诉自己：
这就是生活
有时暗淡
有时明亮

只要硬着头皮
拼一拼
总有一天
会像中国制造的烟火一样
琔放

哪管你是颗小小火苗
或是频临熄灭的温度

再来一次吧
让我们来忘了过去

再为明天的自己
奋斗， 照明
就像颗 火种 和 烟花



小明

团圆饭

这里的春节是热的
一整天温温的风
还有烈爆的太阳
想吃火锅又不是
但，
又懒得自己做年菜


我想起了公公的厨艺
一个堂堂男子汉
入得厨房
出来的菜色
我永远不会忘记

我爱吃他亲手做的肉卷
他独特炮制的咖喱竹笋
清炒杂菜
还有不能没有的潮州面条

饭后堂兄弟姐妹
在一起玩抓迷藏
伯伯姑姑们在圆桌上
谈上正经文教
这
也只不过是段
不再有的热闹

多少年了
没有上过学的公公
还是像以往这样
手中握着厚厚的书
一遍又一遍的读过

但谁也万万想不到
也看不出
他， 老了
公公老了
谁有回乡拜年 谁没有
他竟然也认不出了


当然，
现在不知道是谁在下厨
吃起来的那种滋味
完全无法取代
那双历尽整一个世纪的 手
在莲花炉上调味，爆炒出来的
团圆饭菜。




p.s: Grandpa, I miss you, I love you :) wish you another healthy and happy year!

小明

Tagged....Again

Erm... Kena tagged by Angel pula. Searched back my last "tagged" posting, wow, it was ages ago, and same people tagging me back! LoL

lets start this loong looongg loooooooooooooooong tag post!

1. The last person you tagged is?
Lee Chee Theng

2. Your 5 impression of him/her?
Smart and outstanding, a person that read a lot, have weird taste for songs like me(some songs), cool, a person with very special characteristics (Big fan of Leeds and Guinness)

3. The most memorable thing that he/she had ever done for you?
Erm.. He tried to send me a movie from Sarawak through MSN, but I had to go offline halfway :(

4. The most memorable word he/she ever spoke to you?
" Were you the goal keeper at school?"

5. If he/she becomes your lover, you will…
Erm... That's a scary idea

6. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will…
I dont have enemies

7. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on…
He has to go Thailand and perform somesort of surgery.

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, it is because
He killed me? AHAHA

9. The most desirable thing for him/her to do is
To go watch Leeds Utd games with Guinness on his hand. Maybe.

10. Overall impression towards him/her is
A very special guy.

11. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
Weird(people who do not know me) and Fierce(for my students)

12. The character for you yourself is
Ever-thinking. My brain never stop thinking.

13. On the contrary, the character you hate yourself is?
Get easily distracted.

14. The most ideal person you want to be is
I want Einstein's IQ
I want Daniel Craig's body
I want Jude Law's sexiness
I want Obama's eloquence
I want Stephen Hawking's imagination
I want Bill Gate's wealth
I want Mother Teresa's patience
I want George W. Bush's super-thick-face
I want MY OWN FEELINGS TOWARDS LIFE.

15. For the person who cares and likes you, say something about him/her?
Haha..that would be my Dad, Mom, Brothers, Sisters and friends.
My life would be NOTHING if I was born without them.

16. TEN people to tag
1.Peanut Jin
2.Lost- Noob
3.Hui Mei
4. LCK
5. Blue Ice
6. Rin
7. Yee How
8.Wen
9.Zhi Ling
10.Doc on da skateboard - ing

17. Who is #2 having a relationship with?
Nobody i guess

18. Is #3 a male or a female?
Female

19. If #7 and #10 got together, would that be a good thing?
One is a family guy, one is a brilliant girl, walau.... it would be a good thing leh

20. How about #5 and #8?
girl-girl mana boleh

21. What is #1 studying about?
1 is a high achiever back in school, now studying MEdicine.

22. When was the last time you had a chat with them?
Quite often. Most of them are forced to read LiveStation, by me:P

23. Is 4 single?
Quite complicated. Relationships plunged into uncertainty this afternoon.

24. Say something about #2.
2 has very good temper...he let me cubit him for years. A very very nice man overall, cheerful and is always able to share his joy with other people.

phew..... LoL

Xiaoming

Obama, HELP ME!

Obama promised the United States and its people freedom, equality, peace and prosperity.

And at the same time, he also vowed to shut down the Guantanamo Bay's prison;

but why am I still here?


H . E . L . P
M . E
O . U . T
Mr. President!

* I know this is not funny, and I mean it.*

When the EYES meet the HEART

Thanks to SS, I went to the cinema for the very first time here, and watched the movie titled " 7 Pounds". SS treated me a cup of DOME mocha drink and the ticket as well.

At first I thought "7 Pounds" is a comedy or some sort of movie related to how people go on diet and lose weight, but wait, it is the totally opposite.
Starred by Will Smith(my all time fav actor), this film is not quite a blockbuster compared to the other recently-screened movies, but it is such an emo one, to me.

I can be very emo sometimes, but surprisingly, this movie is SUPER SUPER emo. I was stunned even after walking out of the theater, amazed by how delicate the plot and settings of the movies are; most importantly, it's Will Smith's masterful body language that had successfully delivered the main ideas of the movie.


It is simply a fantastic movie. Meaningful, moving and touching.

7 Pounds begins with how Ben(Will Smith) was looking for good and decent people, who needed help to continue with their lives. He desperately tracking down Emily Posa, Ezra, and a few others who was having troubles with their own lives, so that to ensure that they deserve helps.

Emily needed a heart transplant, Ezra needed a pair of Eyes, and so, in the end, Ben committed suicide and donated his heart and eyes for them. Besides, Ben also donated part of his liver, and his bone marrow while he was alive, and helped a single-mother to settle into his house, before he finally kill himself to donate his organs for both Emily and Ezra.

The reason why he did that, is mainly because he was feeling guilty after causing a car crash that killed 7 persons, including his loved one, his wife.
Througout this 2 hour long movie, Ben is constantly testing and determining the people he is about to help, and also being tested at the same time as he stumbled upon Emily who he fell in love with, at last.

I highly recommend this movie to everyone of you here, I can assure that you will THINK and FEEL alot from 7 Pounds, by Will Smith, and it is probably going to change your mindset and attitude towards life.


Xiao Ming

爱惜。生命

* I would like to dedicate this posting to the war victims of Israel - Palestine fire exchange. God bless our world*

No people should be made victims for the sake of religion. No people should ever make religion as an excuse to victimize others. I hereby strongly condemn BOTH Hamas and Israeli government for their selfish actions to spark another never ending dispute and pain in the strip of Gaza. Treasure the food and water we consume, and a good night's sleep that we often forget to appreciate.

Lerkud! Lerkud!
卡利被父亲仓促的呼唤声叫醒后，
听到的第一个字。。。跑！
还在揉着惺忪的双眼，
他们早已逃出了那半砖屋，
在爸爸的怀抱中
和人群奔去了

一道似阳光般刺眼的焰火
划过了加萨的领空
接着便是轰炸的震动

爸爸曾经说过：
“只要你们还能过看得到炮火，

听得到惨叫，

还有感觉得到烈痛和害怕，

你们还是有得救的。”

卡利虽然害怕，
但是还是一声不发，
他在心里祷告，
希望睁开眼睛的时候，
他还能感觉到
父亲胸膛前
那频密的心跳

而不是
子弹和战车的咆哮

不知道已经几多个小时
的畏惧
还有耳边的母亲不断的哭泣

他感觉得到
父亲的脚步开始放缓
因该是累了
喘息声依然不断
泪和汗，几乎湿遍了那破洞的睡衣

当那害怕的小脸孔，
悄悄地偷瞄向
梦界外的地狱，

卡利发现到，
快要黎明了
还有
身边有好多好多

父母亲和孩子
甚至是单亲，或残缺的家人
和自己一样
依然没有放弃
朝向那几百米外的
红新月难民营

他偷偷的，
在战乱的烽火下
露出了那久违的 微笑
-------------------------

当人们在忙着争辩

谁对，

谁不对，

哪里是谁的圣地

什么才是人类的真正信仰

的时候，

最清纯，最受渴望的
却是被现实
迫压着的

生命。

小明

For Friends or Benefits?

Do you befriend others out of your own benefits, only?
Have you came across a situation whereby you make friend with a person because you know he/she has got what you want? And perhaps so, you even think that you can make use of him/her for your own good in the future?

It is sad that people nowadays are so realistic, demanding, and self-centered.

I have a few "friends" of that kind as well, but at least I'm not irritated because they did not cause me much trouble, and most importantly, I'm not like them.

People have been asking me to approach a certain group of people, mix with them, so that I can retrieve some benefits that they claimed, would make my life easier. Yes, I know it helps a lot to have friends giving you a helping hand when you're alone and in trouble, but, IS THAT the ONLY reason why we make friends?

Haiz... So scared I'd be like that one day.



Xiao Ming

Tsunami in Australia

Today spent a WHOLE afternoon in the city, and I witnessed a never-before-tsunami hitting the Australian coastline.


I am serious. It was really a tsunami.

It happened right after an airplane flew by my friend crashed into the Swan River.
If this thing happened in BM, then Tokun would have been destroyed by half of its original size.

No joking. 做人不可以乱乱放飞机。

感恩篇

(草于2008年12月8日）

经过通往淡文的新邦安八联邦大道，
我想起了前年的那位流动小贩
被人撞倒了，司机慢都没慢下来，踩了油门就走人。

停下来看看，翻覆的摩托车压着在呻吟的马来仔；
把他扶了起来，
只见满地爆裂的包装sirap，
零食，
还有十几片法式煎面包。

这时路边的摩托骑士都停下来，
拔刀相助，
有的帮忙捡起包装食物，
有的忙着把摩托推向路边，
有的还在安抚这吓呆了的那青年。

虽然只有几道皮外伤，
但是场面很狼狈，很凄凉

我从口袋掏出了仅剩的二十令吉，传递给他；

他仍然恍惚的眼神，似乎有话要和我说，
但始终那张发抖的嘴巴， 无法合拢，
我转身就走了。

我不是故意的，
而是我顶不住那种场面，
当时的气氛，
还有一些回忆，
让我很难受。

Abang, 你还好吧？


这意外不止令人心寒，
而且还提醒了我，
世上还有许许多多的穷人家
每一天在为三餐，
依靠劳力，
耗尽青春
赚取那连我们都不稀罕的微薄收入。

那种sirap mawar颜色水
那黄姜粉煎出来的面包，
你们都有吃过吗？

别说战乱国家的难民
更别说非洲的饥民

看看您的四周
就已经足以
让你发现到，
其实对上天埋怨太多，
也是一种罪过。

小明

Pondan Feeling

What is Feeling?

and what is Pondan?

Let's give them a rock.....


Here comes the story of a chinese boy
when he feels sucks he say "Damn you , ok?"
when he go to school people call him "Hey there! gay gay!"
when he fail his test, his momma cut him like cooking a stingray

Ugly girl chase me I say "you wanna get me yo ?"
I say "you gotta wait till i say so"
you tell me you wanna marry me coz you're old
but I say I'm not yet lomo

He wanna chase girl one day
He say " walau you're so cute" instead of " I Love You Babe"
The girl slapped him and turned away
Then only he realized that girls nowadays are no play play

Budak Cina got a big dream some day
He wanna become Malaysian's first spaceman
But who knows, Muzzafar told him, "No way, I'm the man"
"You thought the cockpit got so BIG punya space meh?"

Of course, he never give up anyway lor
Got time also go taman kap lui lor
At least got kesi kesi jogging got slim jor
When you ask him" Go taman what for?"
He say:" Exercise lor!"

When boy boy blog about his love story
friends say story too sad , must change already
when boy boy wrote in his blog " You PoRaaaaa lar Value Sammi !"
friends say he too rude and too racist

So, he asks himself, " what kind of feeling is this?"
Feel Shit Eat Shit and got shit, but why cannot say "shit!"?
Then if feel happy wanna say " I'm a dead meat?"
Then if feel sucky wanna say " walau, I'm so happy!"?

Mama say if got Sai must pang chut lai,
Cannot 3 days baru go toilet ki gek sai,
If Bak Jiu Zheng ki lai,
Must be you always Luan Luan lai!

Anyhow, Internet is a weird place to lepak-ing
write things cannot always write betul feeling
so if you ask me,
"what the F*** is this??"
then I'll tell you,


THIS IS PONDAN FEELING!




I think ppl dont get this too clearly:

(Definition of Pondan : Not Boy Not Girl, Not Man Not Woman, Not Aunty Not Uncle, Not 3 Not 4. Which means, it is UNUSUAL!!!!!!!!!)



xiaoming

沉默

（草于 12月11日2008年）

我失败后
总是沉默
安静的

看着还未 起飞
但已 折翼 的感情
想告诉你
我会很在意

不是因为被你瞧不起

而是我未曾告诉你
我，喜欢了你

但
因为无能为力
所以才选择放弃

我为何沉默

我的影子，为什么

只反映
被嫌弃的自己

却没有，
被接纳的结局

难道你是在等待
我对你坦率

“你是最棒的女孩，你最美丽！”？


我沉默
因为崎岖的情路
告诉我
要稍微让步于现实

才能倾听到
她对我的

怨气

反感


也许是时候
我来安静

来洗耳恭听

让我来思考

为何我只有一条大路
通往沉默的结局。

小明

Kepo Chi & My New Year Resolutions

The not-so-cow Cow i drew in Paint

Things happened every minute and second in our lives, whether you like it or not. 2008 had been quite a memorable year to me, but at the same time it is a bit distress to look back at it all the time since 1st of January. What's worse is that, time does not stop just because it is a brand new year for everyone to have a fresh start. Time and tide wait for no men.

I've set my own new year resolutions, and they're of No big goals or unreachable targets. I set realistic goals, or I shall say the most basic things that I should do.

1. Concentrate on my studies. Put full force in catching up lessons I've missed or forgotten.

2. Pass all papers, at least, a pass.

3. Sleep early.

4. Get rid my addiction towards MSN Messenger and internet. This is serious.

5. Exercise regularly. Even though I might not have enough time for that or I might be tired after uni lessons, I want to keep myself fit and alert all the time.

6. Put off weight > 15 KGs at least.

7. Pick up the local accent as soon as possible.

8. Always hold onto my principle "Can see but no touch".

9. Always be in a state of "high-motivation". Reduce my taste for melancholic elements.

10.Get a part time work and fit it in well into my schedule soon after my course starts.

11. Importing in an organ/keyboard into my room! This is a must!

I must do it I must do it I must do it, be yourself again dude!



ANOTHER ISSUE ON KEPO-CHI-ING

Being a Kepo Chi is not a bad thing. People can gossip and have fun talking about others personal problems. But it will cause A LOT of unnecessary misunderstanding and also problem just because of the "ke-Kepo-Chi-an" of someone.

Never intend to do things or make decisions for me. I call that kind of action "KePO".
When I say something is OVER, I really mean it. I do not wish to recall or being reminded of old stuffs over and over again. Yea, I'm that kind of people that get moody quite easily, but the LAST THING I would ever expect people to give me is sympathy. I dont need Sympathy from Anyone. I dont like being treated like a sicko or as someone looking for attention all the time. My thinking in some aspects might be a little bit immatured sometimes, but that doesnt mean that I can't handle myself well. As I said above, I'll be less sadist and become more of a happy go lucky man.

So, one thing for my friends,

You Can Kepo WITH ME, but NOT Kepo FOR ME. ok? DONT KEPO FOR ME! DONT DONT DONT!



Happy New Year to everyone! Let's celebrate 2009!


xiaoming

我的天空

这边夏日的蓝天
是片空荡的告白
没有云朵
只有无限的寂静
还有小时的画面
和期待

这里的微风
是阵中学时的闹钟响
把赖床的的脑袋
从无谓的幻想
和痴等里
拍了醒来

这儿的星空
是个无声的审讯
就连蟋蟀的叫声
也是围攻试的盘问
无奈的双手托着下巴
等待那讥讽的判词

这都是西澳
给我的见面礼

但
我的天空
依然有希望的白云

依旧保留着没实现的梦想

还有

少不了

好久以前，
为自己作出的判决

“我要爱你，直到永远”






小明

2.0.0.8 二-零-零-八

此稿草于12月31日2008年


日历已撕到最后一页了
但我的心情
早在去年的今天停顿着
充满抱负
一年了
我，干了什么？
　
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－


事业
事业还不算什么。收存起来的钱，够我买一张单程机票，买些行李，几条二手寒衣，还有好几百块的外汇。 执教一年里，最值得的事，那短暂的授课经验；把在边沿徘徊的学生拉回正途，给活在无光世界的失明学生好好上了几堂课。还有，MSN 也无端端多处了百多个学生来。 真是的。

家庭
对不起爸妈，让你们为我操心了十几年。当我心情低落的时候，看到你们有心无力的眼神，我觉得很不应该。刚刚读了老妈子给我写的那封电邮。恭喜您终于会发送电邮了，但我却忍不住眼泪决堤了。谢谢你们一向来很坚强的陪伴我，祝福我，爱我。 哥哥弟弟们，也许是吵了一场又一场，但有时我知道自己错了，只不过我固执，我放不下面子向你们道歉，说声对不起。

感情
我学会了珍惜眼前的一切，学会了自我奖励；也在同一年里，我失去了信心，同时也忘记了怎么看开放下。这也导致我在这一方面，觉得自己受了很多委屈。我踏错了路线，因为我喜欢你，但没能告诉你。不知道，我会喜欢你，到何时，何日。。。

朋友
朋友聚了又散，各忙各的大学事务。从一个很渴望有朋友的家伙，到一个喜欢静静写部落格的独行侠，我 希望在星加坡，美国，英国，马来西亚 的朋友，以后有期再会！
年头被ＦＯＲＭ６　ＣＯＭＭＩＴＴＥＥ 叫回学校充数，　给新人讲话。但真想不到，却因此认识了几个９０年代先锋（１９９０年的“马仔”），　Angelia, Blue Ice, Dowie, Yf, LCY 还有久没重逢的Ｄｅｎｎｉｓ。要特别感谢你们，在我这一整年里，　整天被逼要听我讲心事，还有更加惨的是还强迫你们读肉麻的ＬＩＶＥＳＴＡＴＩＯＮ。搞不好你们变成我的辅导师。　哈！多谢！


Ｌｉｖｅ　Ｓｔａｔｉｏｎ　
有一些朋友都有来看看，但是发觉并不是很多人喜欢。
无论如何，
它不停的在记载，我人生中上演的片段
过去　　未来　　都有说不完的　　感觉
我觉得，其中我最满意的作品是傍 晚 的 秋 蚕，回家，Behind the Braille，风筝飞，低音提琴，下雨，字迹的迴响　还有最近的　外婆。　满意不是因为他们够麻，而我觉得，最能表达出自己说不出的一些感觉。

但恐怕，新一年不会允许我写下去。但只要有机会，我还是会尽量写下去的！！！！！　哈哈。


－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

信心在自家的土地上
一次次受到波折，打击。
我离开马来西亚出走了
那我能否够担保
明年的今天，
我不会再有同样的颓废感？
乐观点，应该可以瓜！

为２００８年做了这个大总结
愿我能把
遗憾
抛下这时代的列车

我不要再顾虑
不要再有萎靡不振的心灵

‘０９年，放马过来吧！



小明

MSN Messenger Drawing Competition 2008

Had a really nice drawing competition on MSN

Tools allowed : ONLY MSN drawing tools

Time: As long as you want

And the title of my artwork is " Malcolm In the Middle " !

Number of Contenders: Me and Dowie

Title of my artwork : Malcolm In The Middle

Total marks given :95% out of 100%

Opponent : Didnt draw, so I am the official winner of MSN Messenger Drawing Competition 2008!

WOOO HOOO!

xiaoMing

(thanks Dowie for letting me win! BLEK)

To Stalk, Or Not?

To remember something is freakingly easy

BUT

To forget something, especially someone special to you

you can never easily shed it away from your head.


I dont think she knows my LiveStation blog

and probably

she doesnt even know who I am

But the impact I received from her
was so strong.

She doesnt have good shape
She doesnt look so smart
She doesnt sound so sweet

BUT

She changed my point of view on me, myself.
She had practically led me to a new path and direction of my own thinking.


I know this sounds weird, but believe me, this feelings, to me, is very weird too.

I'm given a chance to start over a new life here
but honestly, can I really make it?
Can I just forget about her?



XiaoMing

Disclosure: This is not love-at-first-sight. This is not even a Love issue. It's about feelings. It's about miracle of life.

Merry what? Merrrrrrrrrry Christmas!

A very nice version of We Wish You a Merry Christmas, by Relient K!
And also, from LiveStation, wishing all of you a really fabulous one this year!

so we'll drive as fast as we can go
through the black night, black ice and all snow
till we see some street signs that we know
we're coming home

good tidings we bring
to you and your kin
good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year

we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year

we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year

And so when the words we sing are gone
i pray God's blessing continues on
We laugh and compliment this
Merry Christmas

good tidings we bring
to you and your kin
good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year

we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy new Year

we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!




XiaoMing 2008 Christmas Eve

飞。跃

悄悄地划过
印度洋上的领空
我已在海拔几千尺
在审视
毫无动静的
云朵
和蓝天

这一回的空中巴士
只是个五个小时
的旅途
但它飞往的
并不只是西澳的
珀斯
而是
将由我自己
主宰
赢。输
的未来


7时15分

这时，
左边的机翼外
是渐渐深染
灰色的忧虑

不过
机身的右方外
却是正火烧，耀眼
的优美夕阳

这好比
人生总会有的
两个抉择

听着耳机的“日本恋人”，是空中最浪漫的时刻

独霸一排机位，是遥远的旅程， 最寂寞，空虚的一段路途


7时43分

铁鸟的左翼
已是朝向闪灼的
南极星追去了

但右翼才开始
淡去深橙色的热情

你说
人生里
拿起 和 放下
堕落 和 前进
也只不过

像是飞机
左右翼外的
一边儿暗
一边儿明

也只不过是
理念 和 视角
的一线之差？


小明

I would like to wish all of you here a Merry Christmas, and also a wonderful year ahead.

Sent a few presents to friends just before I left BM. Sorry if I missed you out, I was in a rush and not everyone received my cards this year. :(

Well, Christmas is all about Joy and Hope, right?
Hope you all enjoy the Christmas celebration this year!

I'm now in no mood to write much. Anyhow, getting a little bit overexcited since yesterday. Haha


A million thanks to the wishes and blessings from all of you guys and girls!


Good Bye, and Take Care!


Xiao Ming

The Last Supper

Counting days is not an easy thing to do.

You gotta withstand the boredom, although you have lots of things to do

You gotta battle the homesick feeling, although you've not even left you house.

You gotta get over the feeling of regret, although things from the past do not matter anymore.

You gotta manage pressures and the loneliness lie ahead, although at this moment you have family and friends accompanying you most of the time.

You gotta taste some tasteless foods meals after meals, although they're very awesome hawker foods that you used to like so much.

And these feelings made me feeling like,
I'm dining my last supper,
every meal and every day and night,
starting from the day I started counting my days.



Xiao Ming

A letter to my buddy

Ah mate.. Seeing you depart to oversea, again, makes me feel a little bit uneasy. When will we meet again? You might already become a father of 10 children the next time we could meet each other.... Or worse, I become a grandfather of a gigantic 100 people family already, including grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Sad huh? I don't have a word here to exactly express my feelings. It is weird.


Take care when you're away from home !


XiaoMing

Memoirs of another normal boy 4

有谁知道
现在大山脚的大街
从前是个被山上的山地人家，
挑着一担担的小石子，
从一个烂荒地
铺出来的繁华？

有谁知道
大山脚的火车站
是举国闻名,
最主要的火车必经之道？

有谁知道
大山脚的 武拉必
曾是在513事件
为受欺侮的华人
在投降之际
争回一口气的起源地之一？

有谁知道
大山脚曾经拥有
最大的信用卡伪造中心
最大的地下赌博集团
等？

有谁知道
大山脚巴东埔区国会议员
安华
曾是日新国中的教员？
还曾经为日新向政府争取到
那一点点的建校津贴？

有谁知道
大山脚的马章武莫（machang bubok)
是个客家新村？

有谁知道
大山脚的人们
对政府渴望的
不是 美丽的大路
不是 华而不实的政府建筑物
不是 永远不会塞不会臭的水沟
不是 “帮忙”华社筹款， 整天自夸服务第一的议员
不是 “帮忙”优秀生“上诉”奖学金的议员
不是 在南美园大操场上，提供晨运训练

而，大山脚人们的心中
希望
孩子们拥有公平竞争的机会
孩子们拥有安全的环境成长
孩子们拥有受保护的公民权
孩子们拥有会辩论，思考及行事能力的护守者

有谁知道
大山脚
一向来默默地为日新献出的
除了教师学生董事部
还有庇护着华教的
福德正神？

有谁知道
大山脚 TOKUN
那条山路的
花冈石阶梯
有了上千年的历史？

有谁知道
大山脚山上的电讯塔，

已从原本的三个，增加到四个了?

那四个电讯塔，这几天都没有亮灯了？

那在黑夜里照明的小红火，去了哪里？


有谁知道，
大山脚有个男孩
在倒数之前，已迷恋了
与大山脚的这一段感情

怕倒数之后，
还会舍不得
一个旅者，
和这片土地的回忆。





小明

几米，你和我

儿时的梦想，偏偏只能在梦里实现。。。

众多人的眼里，几米是个伟大的画家。许多人认为几米改变了亚洲人的思维模式，打破了传统式的漫画构架。

但对我来说，画家只是几米的副业。

在几米成千上万的单画里，每一幅都是如此的特别和新鲜；

特别在他的画中里隐含的信息，新鲜在他任何一张画里都有无限的想象空间。

为何夜晚给我无限的想象？星星和月亮，晚了，早点儿睡吧。

给一个牙牙学语的小孩儿，几米的画能启发年幼孩子的思考

给一个像我这样七老八老的人家，那彩色生动的画面可以间接的帮我表达，方块字无法形容的奥妙

他，是个真正的思想家
也是个，无声的哲学家

心中冰天雪地的时候，我们，遇上了彼此。。。

一望无际的大海和蓝空，确实有点安静，但是却很舒服。。

在游乐园里，迷失在Marry Go Round 的旋转里

小明

Memoirs of another normal boy 3

Yup. I admit that I held a girl's hand when I was in standard one.

To be precise,during the FIRST school Day of standard one.

While other parents were busy dragging their crying kids into the school in the first day, I was left outside the school and searched my way in to the school compound. Halfway, I met this girl, Koh. She was just like me, alone and heading to no where in the school. Did not remember exactly how we get to know each other so "fast", we held our hands, side by side, carrying our school bags and follow the crowd to the gathering spot.

My parents asked me how was my first day at school.

I told them I held a girls hand into our class room.

I remember how my mom reacted.


" AIYO! Cannot simply touch girls one you know!"


My first physical encounter with a girl during my first day of school,

shook the dinner table, hard,

with my dad choked by the rice in his mouth.

I think my dad and mom have already forgotten about that incident, but I'm sure it had somewhat traumatized their subconscious mind for a few years after that. That is why I was constantly being asked, or "investigated" of my "friendships" with females at school, until the end of my primary school life.

Spending six years of tears and laughter in SRJK (C) Jit Sin B is never a waste of time in my life. Although I am still wondering if I had really learned how to do + - x / when I was in primary school, each and every moment I fooled around the school has very profound impact in building my personal character afterward.

And also, I would like to thank all my SRJK (C) Jit Sin B teachers for their sacrifices and also for their "special" attention throughout my entire study life in that school.


Xiao Ming

(Disclosure: Koh and I were in the same class for a few years, and went into the same high school, no special relationships formed between two of us though. But we are still friends and, I still remember what happened to us in the first day of my school. LoL)

Memoirs of another normal boy 2

Received complaints from relatives recently
for not being able to communicate with them
using proper English

This reminded me of how the late Mdm Phan taught me English Language.
She caned me for not knowing what does "Goods" means.
I used to be so afraid of her
and her Xtra Large rattan cane.

However,
she died in a car accident 2 years after i graduated from primary school. I couldn't sleep for nights because of that, and I felt terribly sorry for making her angry in almost every English lesson.

And I remember
I was still struggling to pass my English paper in Form1
when Mrs Theshilla failed my tests for a few times, in one year.
Then only I knew, that my English sucks.

I was encouraged by my form two English teacher, Lau Lai Yong who gave me a beautiful 80marks for my term exam. I was so crazy for English till I tried memorizing my pocket dictionary. Then after this, Lee Lai Peng, also another good English teacher who helped me to pass my PMR English papers. I suspected Lau Lai Yong and Lee Lai Peng were mother-daughter teaching in SMJK Jit Sin. Haha.

My command of English has not improved much since then, till now.


I was really in a deep thought, again, yesterday, after being complained for my "multiple conviction" of Language crime.


Well, yeah... Gotta pick up another English novel soon.. LoL




Xiao Ming

Memoirs of another normal boy 1

So many things left behind
So many words I've missed
And thousands of seconds I've wasted alone

One thing I'll never forget
is how I used to let chances slipped away

The hardest part in life
is not
to endure failure and pain

but is
not having enough courage
to prosecute.


Same explanation for

The Pain
of not having something
is not as great as losing something precious
right from your control

Ah... don't you think thats true?


Xiao Ming

黑眼圈

不知道是几时开始
我又了深深的黑眼圈
虽然累到双眼都红了
四肢已开始不受脑袋控制
都还坚持不睡。

我总觉得，

还有很多事情没办完
我不可以浪费一刻一秒

有了黑眼圈，也要撑下去

毕竟已没多久
可以让我在这里拖拉
怠惰。。

Few days to go..

Can't believe today is already 9th December 2008.

Undefined Feelings Detected - Error Cannot be Fixed.
:S LoL

外婆

熟悉的路途

今天在摇晃的车上，大家都显得特别的安静。大概是全部人都睡着了吧。

在去年的九月，往南直下的车厢里，也是如此；大家都沉默不言，这一回并不是被遥远的旅途累坏了，而大家都在静静的，呆滞的压抑自己的心情。南北大道两旁的绿色柚木大树，一株接一株，一排排的从车镜外的边界划过，这时万物都似在向后狂奔去，企图把过去给追回来；但惟有那片蓝天的云朵，看起来懒洋洋的，缓缓地，反映停滞在时空的每一个小插曲。我虽视寂静为人生享受，但这样的死沉的宁谧开始把我的脖子越捏越紧；我领教到了脑子空白，缺氧的感觉。

爹开的车子在高速行驶时候，发出的噪音，早已被妈妈脸上的愁郁盖过。我在家门口接到这个恶讯，心中虽然很难受，但是还挺平静的收拾行李，把政府考试的时间表搁置在一旁，上了车子后就一直寻找着感觉。

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

以前外婆有双小红鞋。是布制的，中国制造。鞋上镶满了五颜六色的小珠子，在耀眼的闪亮中有一对毛茸茸的小花球。自从舅母把这双小红鞋送给外婆后，老人家几乎不曾赤脚过；不管是上厕所，出街或是用餐，都是有它穿在脚上。当初啊，连舅母要为她洗澡的时候，外婆都还嚷着不要脱鞋，但最后见大家都不禁的笑起来的时候，她才有点不好意思地乖乖就范。

直到近一两年，在最后一次春节回去瓜拉比劳的时候，外婆睡着的双人床旁，还是摆着那一双小红鞋，但是像被光阴削弱的外婆这样，小红鞋又旧又脏；珠子也差不多已经脱光了。外婆似乎有知觉我在身旁，顿时醒了过来。她虽然已经无法行走；就连要在床上翻个身子都有困难，看见了我， 她双臂开始慢慢的往床的表面压下去。我愣住了，赶紧向前托着他已有点松脱的背脊，支撑着她，再缓缓地矫正外婆的位置，坐在床角上。望着那颈部支柱套掐着的颈项，身躯已暴瘦得不成形的外婆，我双手紧抱着她，问候："外婆，你还好吧?" 她似乎没有听到我对他说话，双脚不停随意摆动。
原来，她在努力的把小红鞋穿上。

妈妈走入了房门，和外婆笑谈了一下，一口流利的客话对她问道：

“ah ma, ngi ki tet ai zat fui zai mao?”
" 妈妈，你还记得这个肥子吗？"

外婆：“ki tet....ki tet.... ngi eh lai hao liang zai wor....hao tai zat....um hiao pui la..”
“记得。。。记得。。。你的儿子好英俊喔。。 好大只。。。不会肥啦。。”

妈妈又一脸笑盈盈的看着我，又问外婆 :

" ah ma, ngi kon ngai eh lai kho yi dang yi sang mao?"
" 妈妈，你看我这个儿子，能不能当个医生？”

这时外婆的脸色一变，认真起来了。妈妈只是开开玩笑的故意戏弄我而已，怎知，她，睁大双眼，很专心的凝视我的脸。看上看下， 最后满意的点点头说：

“tet”
“可以”

知道我不谙客话， 外婆继续用华语说：

“以后啊，你当了医生后，记得，要把外婆的病医好。。” “外婆老了，没用了，但是还是会等你做医生.."

我听了不懂要如何是好，便逞强的微笑，向外婆点点头。外婆的嘴角也弯了上来，露出没有假牙套的那张小嘴。

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
另一次见到外婆，她已经安详的躺在棺木里。她睡着的颜容依旧是我最熟悉的脸孔；只不过不知为何，我那时已像个委屈的小男孩，

崩溃，绝望；

心灵喘息在泪海里。

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


八个小时的路途已经把屁股给震个麻痹了，
进入了老屋，我轻轻的推开那扇木门。
床上是没人的，
但那双小红鞋，
依然像上次那样摆放在一旁。

这时坐在床边，
仿佛又听见外婆说：

"liang zai, 外婆会等你的！"




小明







（Livestation 云朵的照片下这一句 " Please wait for me there, promise I'll meet you someday"，就是源自我和外婆的约定。 Rest in peace， and I miss you.)

STPM

今天应该是大学先修班政府考试的最后一天。。。 刚巧回到学校宿舍整理去年遗留下来的书本和纸张。

今天也是我考完STPM后的整整一年后。翻着老师给我们的复印笔记，还有那一叠叠的数学草稿，真的有点奇怪，怎么一年前的我，能够做出这么多的东西来。。

把东西分门别类，物理放在一叠；数学另一叠。。。 能够给朋友的都收起来，不能的就把它们搬到屋外的旧报纸堆里。。这样一卖，应该可以拿回7-8块钱吧。。

一年已经过了。。我才来整理留下来的“烂摊子”。。。一年后了，我到底有做了些什么？



小明

对不起

今天和朋友写了一首歌，

我建议它名为“对不起”。

歌的内涵深深的表达出了我的内心的感受

但歌里的故事就和现实生活不太一样。

现在很期待能把那曲子录音好，

还要经过比赛后， 才可以把它上载到这里。

我现在已经很 Beh Tong 了！！！哈哈



小明

信任

在自己最真诚想为别人付出的时候，却被人质疑，那种感受超烂。super 烂。extreme superior unbelievably 烂。

要是别人怀疑我的诚意，我一点都不会在意。。。
换着是自己的家人或是自己的最爱开始不信任我的时候， 这是一种痛苦。

真是有点不敢相信，你们居然会在这个时候，说出这样伤人的话。。

大山脚那一夜

低音量的 "还记得"这一钢琴曲子，好像从远方传来的背景音乐这样。从第一个音符，到结尾的最后一个，仿佛是连接在一起的单音旋律，没完没了地将窗口里边的气息给染上一股莫名的空间感。其音调在四面墙壁互相回传，不视我的存在地在我耳朵旁穿梭。

我，还是振作不起来，继续把右侧脸颊用电脑键盘垫着。我并没有睡着。 看着那叠高高的化学笔记，还有那无形的牵挂；我脑子里的逻辑早已不知飞到万里长城的哪个角落了，就连屋旁的蟋蟀声也随着我漂浮的思考，一起一落，忽大忽小。也许是今天的晚上特别安静吧，就连对面的竹林沙沙声的被北风蹂蘭；隔两条路的狗吠，还有两三公里外的火车急凑的赶路，全都已成为狂想曲的配音。

其实，即将在这里呆过第十六个年份的我，对这个异乡有好多疑问。我很好奇，怎么这里的老老少少都是用福建话来沟通的呢？为什么大街的巴刹永远都会塞车？ 又有些感觉，在这儿土生土长的朋友为何都是那么的聪明？还有榕树下的咖喱面档的老板娘，看来看去怎么永远都是那么年轻？安华老家外的居林路，又到底是为什么补来补去都是这样百孔千疮？

在脑海里打转了好久的这些疑惑，干嘛想来想去还是无法找个能说服自己的解说？即将离开大山脚的我，似乎在忧愁没有个答案来安抚我。

等等！在乌云撤退之际，我从窗外的天空看见一闪一闪耀眼的星火；我有个疑问：

多年来我独自躺在车盖上，看见的那七颗形成曲线的星星，会是北斗七星吗？ 那么。。。。那一个相似巨蟹形状的八颗恒星，是不是真正的巨蟹座？


要是不介意的话，我想。。我想知道。。 到底将远走高飞的我，可不可以成为个道地的大山脚人？ 我可以向别人说，我是个大山脚人吗?


想着问题，看着那依然不停向我抗议的闪灼星空，我双唇轻轻的说道：

"嗯。。这就是。。。我的家。"


大山脚， 我爱你。。。晚安！。千万别忘了我！

看了十几年了。。还不知道是什么东东星座。。

没搞错的话，这应该是北斗七星吧。。（谷歌好用！哈哈）

小明

日新国中

日新国中

到了今天，日新给我的一个感觉就是 “家”。 这么多年风风雨雨的日子，我在日新不断的成长；从一个无聊幼稚的小瓜，到我今天这个思路复杂（还是有点幼稚）的老Ah Pek，这所学校在我的心中还是有很大的分量。我本身在好几所不同的中学念过书，虽说遇到的每一个朋友都是很棒的，但在学校设备和校风来说，日新还是最好好的。方成校长曾经说过，日新，就是日新学生的第二个家，这其实一点也不假。。。 我的性格，我的思维，我的作风，多多少少都是在日新这个大家庭培养出来的。

C Block

校园一角

日新虽然占地不大，课室虽然不够用，但这栋外表庄严的学府可是华人的血汗建起来的。经过多年的筹备与募捐，一座华教的基石就在整十多年前，建在南美园的湖畔。到了近几年，当我开始对华教斗争史有点认识的时候，我才发现到，日新所培育出来的并不单是社会的专业人才，而其更伟大的贡献是不断的把新一代养育成华校生。华族在世界各地能落地生根，并且能够超越其他族群的最大原因之一是华人的教育观。无论是用什么语言来授课，只要华教的精髓能够被发扬光大，那华校就已发挥其最大的作用了。我应该有在里面吧。。哈哈。。

虽说我并不一百巴仙满意日新的硬体设备和一些行政上的偏差，我对日新是没有任何怨言的。虽然纪律老师是有些刻薄无理，但是在我的观点来说，要是要染发，留长发长指甲，干嘛不去念马来校或英校？ 干嘛还留在日新整天等被黄仙施抓？要是要披着日新的名来沾光，却整天唱学校这个不好那个烂，就干脆转校吧，好让别人有机会在日新念书。简单来说，华校的学生就要有华校的纪律！（不好意思，有点激动）

南美园的日落，我思念在广场静静的欣赏你。。。

Goh Mui Teng 时常在这里出没，等待翘课的学生

我在日新的日子，也有不少人生中的第一次。
第一次留长发，第一次被纪律老师盘问3个小时，第一次偷用实验室的化学药物作炸药，第一次参加歌唱比赛，第一次半夜溜回学校，第一次弹钢琴，第一次感受到超级无比paiseh，第一次去internet cafe，第一次十科科目fail 5科，第一次向女生告白，也第一次被拒绝，第一次在厕所给paikia bully，第一次踢足球，第一次。。。。。。


毕业过了两次，总觉得时间过得很快。

我在日新的最后一年，就在这一楼渡过。。

在日新的日子没有什么事没有做过的， 现在回头一看，虽然只有少许的遗憾，但怀念在我第二个家的时候令我很感慨。我想再次的在篮球场旁的爱心广场，观日落，想在放学的时候再冲向操场踢足球，想在和朋友再次在台上弹琴，歌唱。要是能够选择让时间倒流，我希望能够从2001年那时，再来一次走过我在日新国中的每一个时刻。（发梦）

其实不懂为何会突然想写这篇东西，好像rojak这样。真是的。。。。。。lol

啊。。日新日新 又日新。。。。



小明

迷失

朦胧的雾水里

摸索在那千米海拔的路上
随着那对彩蝶为我引导

我迷惑地赶着，
看不到尽头

的路。


当脸上的热泪

和差不多
已冷却的汗水
掺杂融混的时候

有感似是在拓荒

却又有几分像在穷追
那离我越来越遥远的前程；


顿时
我好想好想
沉睡在
鸳鸯蝴蝶梦里

我很是期望
现实容许绝望的肉体
能好好的
咽下最一口气。


世界啊，
你何曾给我一个时刻
回头，叙旧
好让我没有把愧疚

一起带着走

那难道
你让我追赶在前面
的那段时空

又能让我回到过去？


走着走着

我在羊肠小径
的朴素云朵里
迷失了方向

但
却在

那一场
午睡的梦
寻获了自己。




小明



*我必须开始新一段的思维，以放弃曾经；但希望我至少能不时回顾，那已开始远离我的过去*

开口没完没了

所以不用开口！ 简单！

有些事情越理越乱，越要交代越是说不清！
况且其实也没什么话好讲！哼！ 哼！！！！！！！！！！

还给我吧。。。。。不要这样自私 霸道！ 你不要我要！

我想通了。。。
至少我暂时已经解脱
这精神上的挣扎。。：P



小明

开不了口

当世间的杂声已开始稀疏

当太阳已高挂炎照着我那疲累的脸孔

当没有任何人再理会这一场隔岸的战役

当时间也停顿下来，拭目静观这无情无音的哑剧

当感觉依旧不停的挑衅我把事实说出口时，

我始终像周杰伦的那首 “开不了口” 这样，

为难，自责，遗憾

但也少不了那一点点儿，说不出的，

期望。



小明



也许吧，到最后的那一时刻。。。
我会很迫切
我的脸皮会长得比较厚一点。。
到时候才来说，应该还不迟吧？
哈哈。。

医德

没医德的医生，看你们这伙专业盗窃者能横行到几时！

倒数.1222

有时候，我有感在椅子上，双手十指不停的轻弹着键盘，像是在电椅上为自己写份迟到的遗书。不，我并没有在这个时刻面对生死的抉择；而我可以感受到，等待一个不寻常期限的到来，的那种急躁的思维，那种火焰的情绪。

我人生的下一层次，正在缓缓流向那顺时的秒针，倒数着。我很好奇，我这彻夜不眠的身影，会不会健全的渡过那一夜。我也不知道，即将在沼泽里寻获的，会不会是个披着绿色森林的荒凉沙漠。

刚才在和宝点算着过去洋国家的一些必需品，我看着白纸上稠密的笔记；要带铅笔，便装，运动鞋，手提电脑，袜子，牙刷。。。。。。点算点算着，宝突然问道：

“寒衣呢？”

我停顿了一下。我心想，“寒衣？？”

天哪。。。我怎么会遗漏了这样？忘了带去，恐怕冬天肥油不够用，会被冻死的！

我深深的吸了一口沉重的气体。。。再轻轻的把已被温度化的它，呼出口腔来。

老实说，之前我怎么想也没想过会要在那边过冬。我还很天真，还以为是去那儿夏日旅行。

“还有，手套叻？” 宝又加上。

看来那儿的冬天应该是很冰冻的吧。。宝说就连15度都冷到象冰了。。更不用说两三度摄氏。

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

一去很可能三四年都可能回不来的。。。我知道这是个残酷的合同，是个现实的不平衡；但这终始会是我唯一的选择。是条不归路。我不断的抚慰自己，“我不能怕。。我不能逃。”

但说实在，我现在最需要的，还是一个可以依偎着的身躯，告诉我说，

“别担心，没事的！”

我承认。我，害怕了。

我并不害怕流浪他人的地盘；我只是抗拒离开我的家。我并不畏惧遇见新人事物；而我最不能失去的是家人朋友。

我害怕会忘了，我如何曾经深深的迷恋上了大山脚的这个一大片记忆。

将来的年月日里，在滔滔怒海里紧抱着那唯一的浮木，我想，我下一次回家的时候，会是个被遗忘的浪子；还是已经忘了“爱”的一个负心汉？

1222 倒数，还在进行着。

小明

与歌共舞的时候

我，对音乐很敏感。从小时候90年代的歌曲，到近代的RnB，每一首都给我留下很深刻的印象。不止如此，我对每一首歌都有不同的感觉。我喜爱的歌都是比较低沉伤感的，有少数的歌会让我觉得欢喜或振奋。

好多年前，我都会很羡慕会弹琴的朋友。在学校听到的都是Gred 什么Gred5Gred8. 说到要学钢琴，妈妈一脸无奈的抛出了一句：

“要吃都有问题了，你不要根我讲要学什么鬼东西。读好书来，赚多点钱来。。你以后要上太空都可以，ok?”

所以说来说去没什么好谈的。。。音乐？没有空的时候不会刻意去找收音机来听；因为我听歌的时候都会很用心的去享受那种感觉。有些人能一边读书一边听歌，有些连大便的时候也能来这一套；好像没有个会死掉这样。偶尔开车时听歌也会分心，尤其是初几次驾车时差一点把车开到沟渠里去。。虽然如此，我却很喜欢和朋友分享我爱听的歌。不管他们喜欢不喜欢，keras keras用MSN送给朋友听。。希望他们也能感受到我听歌的感觉。

我为自己买的第一个专集是酷玩的（ColdPlay) A Rush of Blood to the Head. 事隔多年了，他们的每一首歌都很好听。。不象一些Band这样，整个CD只有一两首歌是能听的。我大多数听的歌是英文歌，而华文歌我只爱周杰伦和以前的老派四大天王。其他的也有好料，例如曹格，林俊杰，五月天，五佰，还有一个以前唱“i so lonely, baby i so lonely" 的华人歌手，但很少接触到它们。
本身觉得新崛起的英文歌手有一位，那就是Chris Daughtry。他的歌是有点slow rock 的，但是超好听！

本地歌英文歌手呢，有一个啦。。但是已经蛮老了。。他是Jason Lo. 一个混血的沙拉越人。虽然他的个也是只有两三首能听，但是那两三首都是可以和外国巨星媲美的！他的旧歌有10年了，但到现在我还是喜欢哼他那一个"Evening News".


我听ColdPlay的歌时，我会觉得人生的道路还有很长

我听Jason Lo的Evening News 时，我觉得人生道路是很惆怅的

我听Christina Anguilera 的 You're Beautiful 的时候，觉得很有希望

我听Britney Spears 的歌时，我想起了我小时候看MV的时候

我听Uncle Crackers的歌时，我想起我第一次考跆拳道

我听I So Lonely, Baby I so Lonely( idunno the real title,chinese song lai)的时候，我想起住在武拉必的时候

我听Sugar Ray的Falls Apart时候，我会觉得很孤单。

我听Brian MacKnight 的Back at One的时候，我觉得很舒服

我听I Believe I Can Fly 的时候，我会有Adrenalin Rush

我听Come What May 的时候，觉得爱情是很坎坷的一段路途

我听周杰伦的歌时，我觉得他和方文三是绝配！

我听Marie DIgby的 Say it again时，我会蛮高兴的。

我听Cindy Lauper 的Time after Time的时候，我觉得自己已经蹉跎了很多岁月

.
我听Vertical Horizon 的 Grey Sky Morning 时，觉得自己曾经喜欢过的人是多么遥不可及的

.
听到MacyGray的 I Try 时，会想到以前做了不少“色衰”和愚蠢的事

.

听到Modjo的Lady时， 感觉上以后的生活会很冷淡无色

.

听到Crazy for this girl的时候，我会很羡慕有人陪伴的人

.

听到Enrique Iglesias 的 Bai la mor 和 Hero的时候，我会感觉很浪漫

.

我听到Hips dont lie的时候，会想起我中六的日子

.

听到The Fray唱的How to Save a Life的时候，觉得很庆幸自己还能活到今天

.

听到Keane 和JET的歌时，总觉得自己很老了。。。

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。这是个
。。。。。。。。。。讲不完的
。。。。。。写不尽的
。。。一篇
。写作
。。。。因为
。。。。。。音乐就是
。。。。。。。。。。我的过去
。。。。。。。。。。。。。和未来



小明

菩提树

菩提

是坚韧又有个性

但怪僻顽固的老头

只要有水

还有新村的那一两户人家

它

就会往石沙扎根

水沟的裂缝

屋檐旁的疏水道

寺庙外的枯黄土地上

就是它的家。

死寂的下午

它一动不动

在川行不息的车道肩上

稳固的

为路人乘凉

但

在庄严的夜晚

他却会受不住清风的调戏
心形的绿叶顿时鼓掌了起来

发出那害臊,

羞涩的一笑

菩提啊菩提

希望你能

在十年

百年后

还是稳健的傲视着

这变迁的世界

好让像我年幼时

这样的顽皮鬼

在你的佑护下

班门弄斧

和玩追逐.

:-)

小明