LiveStation Message


Life Is Too Short,
Break The Rules, Forgive Quickly,
Kiss Slowly, Love Truly,
Laugh Uncontrollably,
And Never Regret Anything
That Made You Smile.
Life May Not Be The Party
We Hoped For,
But While We're Here, We Should Dance...

Saturday, December 27, 2008

MSN Messenger Drawing Competition 2008

Had a really nice drawing competition on MSN
Tools allowed : ONLY MSN drawing tools
Time: As long as you want
And the title of my artwork is " Malcolm In the Middle " !
Number of Contenders: Me and Dowie

Title of my artwork : Malcolm In The Middle

Total marks given :95% out of 100%

Opponent : Didnt draw, so I am the official winner of MSN Messenger Drawing Competition 2008!

WOOO HOOO!

xiaoMing

(thanks Dowie for letting me win! BLEK)

To Stalk, Or Not?

To remember something is freakingly easy

BUT

To forget something, especially someone special to you

you can never easily shed it away from your head.


I dont think she knows my LiveStation blog

and probably

she doesnt even know who I am

But the impact I received from her
was so strong.

She doesnt have good shape
She doesnt look so smart
She doesnt sound so sweet

BUT

She changed my point of view on me, myself.
She had practically led me to a new path and direction of my own thinking.


I know this sounds weird, but believe me, this feelings, to me, is very weird too.

I'm given a chance to start over a new life here
but honestly, can I really make it?
Can I just forget about her?



XiaoMing

Disclosure: This is not love-at-first-sight. This is not even a Love issue. It's about feelings. It's about miracle of life.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry what? Merrrrrrrrrry Christmas!




A very nice version of We Wish You a Merry Christmas, by Relient K!
And also, from LiveStation, wishing all of you a really fabulous one this year!


so we'll drive as fast as we can go

through the black night, black ice and all snow
till we see some street signs that we know
we're coming home

good tidings we bring
to you and your kin
good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year

we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year

we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year

And so when the words we sing are gone
i pray God's blessing continues on
We laugh and compliment this
Merry Christmas

good tidings we bring
to you and your kin
good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year

we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy new Year

we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas
we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!




XiaoMing 2008 Christmas Eve

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

飞。跃

悄悄地划过
印度洋上的领空
我已在海拔几千尺
在审视
毫无动静的
云朵
和蓝天

这一回的空中巴士
只是个五个小时
的旅途
但它飞往的
并不只是西澳的
珀斯
而是
将由我自己
主宰
赢。输
的未来


7时15分

这时,
左边的机翼外
是渐渐深染
灰色的忧虑

不过
机身的右方外
却是正火烧,耀眼
的优美夕阳

这好比
人生总会有的
两个抉择

听着耳机的“日本恋人”,是空中最浪漫的时刻

独霸一排机位,是遥远的旅程, 最寂寞,空虚的一段路途


7时43分

铁鸟的左翼
已是朝向闪灼的
南极星追去了

但右翼才开始
淡去深橙色的热情

你说
人生里
拿起 和 放下
堕落 和 前进
也只不过

像是飞机
左右翼外的
一边儿暗
一边儿明

也只不过是
理念 和 视角
的一线之差?



小明

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I would like to wish all of you here a Merry Christmas, and also a wonderful year ahead.

Sent a few presents to friends just before I left BM. Sorry if I missed you out, I was in a rush and not everyone received my cards this year. :(

Well, Christmas is all about Joy and Hope, right?
Hope you all enjoy the Christmas celebration this year!

I'm now in no mood to write much. Anyhow, getting a little bit overexcited since yesterday. Haha


A million thanks to the wishes and blessings from all of you guys and girls!


Good Bye, and Take Care!


Xiao Ming

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Last Supper

Counting days is not an easy thing to do.

You gotta withstand the boredom, although you have lots of things to do

You gotta battle the homesick feeling, although you've not even left you house.

You gotta get over the feeling of regret, although things from the past do not matter anymore.

You gotta manage pressures and the loneliness lie ahead, although at this moment you have family and friends accompanying you most of the time.

You gotta taste some tasteless foods meals after meals, although they're very awesome hawker foods that you used to like so much.

And these feelings made me feeling like,
I'm dining my last supper,
every meal and every day and night,
starting from the day I started counting my days.



Xiao Ming

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A letter to my buddy

Ah mate.. Seeing you depart to oversea, again, makes me feel a little bit uneasy. When will we meet again? You might already become a father of 10 children the next time we could meet each other.... Or worse, I become a grandfather of a gigantic 100 people family already, including grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Sad huh? I don't have a word here to exactly express my feelings. It is weird.


Take care when you're away from home !


XiaoMing

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Memoirs of another normal boy 4

有谁知道
现在大山脚的大街
从前是个被山上的山地人家,
挑着一担担的小石子,
从一个烂荒地
铺出来的繁华?

有谁知道
大山脚的火车站
是举国闻名,
最主要的火车必经之道?

有谁知道
大山脚的 武拉必
曾是在513事件
为受欺侮的华人
在投降之际
争回一口气的起源地之一?

有谁知道
大山脚曾经拥有
最大的信用卡伪造中心
最大的地下赌博集团
等?

有谁知道
大山脚巴东埔区国会议员
安华
曾是日新国中的教员?
还曾经为日新向政府争取到
那一点点的建校津贴?

有谁知道
大山脚的马章武莫(machang bubok)
是个客家新村?

有谁知道
大山脚的人们
对政府渴望的
不是 美丽的大路
不是 华而不实的政府建筑物
不是 永远不会塞不会臭的水沟
不是 “帮忙”华社筹款, 整天自夸服务第一的议员
不是 “帮忙”优秀生“上诉”奖学金的议员
不是 在南美园大操场上,提供晨运训练

而,大山脚人们的心中
希望
孩子们拥有公平竞争的机会
孩子们拥有安全的环境成长
孩子们拥有受保护的公民权
孩子们拥有会辩论,思考及行事能力的护守者

有谁知道
大山脚
一向来默默地为日新献出的
除了教师学生董事部
还有庇护着华教的
福德正神?

有谁知道
大山脚 TOKUN
那条山路的
花冈石阶梯
有了上千年的历史?

有谁知道
大山脚山上的电讯塔,

已从原本的三个,增加到四个了?

那四个电讯塔,这几天都没有亮灯了?

那在黑夜里照明的小红火,去了哪里?


有谁知道,
大山脚有个男孩
在倒数之前,已迷恋了
与大山脚的这一段感情

怕倒数之后,
还会舍不得
一个旅者,
和这片土地的回忆。





小明

Friday, December 12, 2008

几米,你和我

儿时的梦想,偏偏只能在梦里实现。。


众多人的眼里,几米是个伟大的画家。许多人认为几米改变了亚洲人的思维模式,打破了传统式的漫画构架。

但对我来说,画家只是几米的副业。

在几米成千上万的单画里,每一幅都是如此的特别
和新鲜;

特别在他的画中里隐含的信息,新鲜在他任何一张画里都有无限的想象空间。


为何夜晚给我无限的想象?星星和月亮,晚了,早点儿睡吧。


给一个牙牙学语的小孩儿,几米的画能启发年幼孩子的思考

给一个像我这样七老八老的人家,那彩色生动的画面可以间接的帮我表达,方块字无法形容的奥妙

他,是个真正的思想家

也是个,无声的哲学家




心中冰天雪地的时候,我们,遇上了彼此。。。


一望无际的大海和蓝空,确实有点安静,但是却很舒服。。


在游乐园里,迷失在Marry Go Round 的旋转里


小明

Memoirs of another normal boy 3

Yup. I admit that I held a girl's hand when I was in standard one.

To be precise,during the FIRST school Day of standard one.

While other parents were busy dragging their crying kids into the school in the first day, I was left outside the school and searched my way in to the school compound. Halfway, I met this girl, Koh. She was just like me, alone and heading to no where in the school. Did not remember exactly how we get to know each other so "fast", we held our hands, side by side, carrying our school bags and follow the crowd to the gathering spot.

My parents asked me how was my first day at school.

I told them I held a girls hand into our class room.

I remember how my mom reacted.


" AIYO! Cannot simply touch girls one you know!"


My first physical encounter with a girl during my first day of school,

shook the dinner table, hard,

with my dad choked by the rice in his mouth.

I think my dad and mom have already forgotten about that incident, but I'm sure it had somewhat traumatized their subconscious mind for a few years after that. That is why I was constantly being asked, or "investigated" of my "friendships" with females at school, until the end of my primary school life.

Spending six years of tears and laughter in SRJK (C) Jit Sin B is never a waste of time in my life. Although I am still wondering if I had really learned how to do + - x / when I was in primary school, each and every moment I fooled around the school has very profound impact in building my personal character afterward.

And also, I would like to thank all my SRJK (C) Jit Sin B teachers for their sacrifices and also for their "special" attention throughout my entire study life in that school.


Xiao Ming

(Disclosure: Koh and I were in the same class for a few years, and went into the same high school, no special relationships formed between two of us though. But we are still friends and, I still remember what happened to us in the first day of my school. LoL)

Memoirs of another normal boy 2

Received complaints from relatives recently
for not being able to communicate with them
using proper English

This reminded me of how the late Mdm Phan taught me English Language.
She caned me for not knowing what does "Goods" means.
I used to be so afraid of her
and her Xtra Large rattan cane.

However,
she died in a car accident 2 years after i graduated from primary school. I couldn't sleep for nights because of that, and I felt terribly sorry for making her angry in almost every English lesson.

And I remember
I was still struggling to pass my English paper in Form1
when Mrs Theshilla failed my tests for a few times, in one year.
Then only I knew, that my English sucks.

I was encouraged by my form two English teacher, Lau Lai Yong who gave me a beautiful 80marks for my term exam. I was so crazy for English till I tried memorizing my pocket dictionary. Then after this, Lee Lai Peng, also another good English teacher who helped me to pass my PMR English papers. I suspected Lau Lai Yong and Lee Lai Peng were mother-daughter teaching in SMJK Jit Sin. Haha.

My command of English has not improved much since then, till now.


I was really in a deep thought, again, yesterday, after being complained for my "multiple conviction" of Language crime.


Well, yeah... Gotta pick up another English novel soon.. LoL




Xiao Ming

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Memoirs of another normal boy 1

So many things left behind
So many words I've missed
And thousands of seconds I've wasted alone

One thing I'll never forget
is how I used to let chances slipped away

The hardest part in life
is not
to endure failure and pain

but is
not having enough courage
to prosecute.


Same explanation for

The Pain
of not having something
is not as great as losing something precious
right from your control

Ah... don't you think thats true?


Xiao Ming

黑眼圈

不知道是几时开始
我又了深深的黑眼圈
虽然累到双眼都红了
四肢已开始不受脑袋控制
都还坚持不睡。

我总觉得,

还有很多事情没办完
我不可以浪费一刻一秒

有了黑眼圈,也要撑下去

毕竟已没多久
可以让我在这里拖拉
怠惰。。

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Few days to go..

Can't believe today is already 9th December 2008.

Undefined Feelings Detected - Error Cannot be Fixed.
:S LoL

Thursday, December 4, 2008

外婆


熟悉的路途


今天在摇晃的车上,大家都显得特别的安静。大概是全部人都睡着了吧。

在去年的九月,往南直下的车厢里,也是如此;大家都沉默不言,这一回并不是被遥远的旅途累坏了,而大家都在静静的,呆滞的压抑自己的心情。南北大道两旁的绿色柚木大树,一株接一株,一排排的从车镜外的边界划过,这时万物都似在向后狂奔去,企图把过去给追回来;但惟有那片蓝天的云朵,看起来懒洋洋的,缓缓地,反映停滞在时空的每一个小插曲。我虽视寂静为人生享受,但这样的死沉的宁谧开始把我的脖子越捏越紧;我领教到了脑子空白,缺氧的感觉。

爹开的车子在高速行驶时候,发出的噪音,早已被妈妈脸上的愁郁盖过。我在家门口接到这个恶讯,心中虽然很难受,但是还挺平静的收拾行李,把政府考试的时间表搁置在一旁,上了车子后就一直寻找着感觉。

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

以前外婆有双小红鞋。是布制的,中国制造。鞋上镶满了五颜六色的小珠子,在耀眼的闪亮中有一对毛茸茸的小花球。自从舅母把这双小红鞋送给外婆后,老人家几乎不曾赤脚过;不管是上厕所,出街或是用餐,都是有它穿在脚上。当初啊,连舅母要为她洗澡的时候,外婆都还嚷着不要脱鞋,但最后见大家都不禁的笑起来的时候,她才有点不好意思地乖乖就范。

直到近一两年,在最后一次春节回去瓜拉比劳的时候,外婆睡着的双人床旁,还是摆着那一双小红鞋,但是像被光阴削弱的外婆这样,小红鞋又旧又脏;珠子也差不多已经脱光了。外婆似乎有知觉我在身旁,顿时醒了过来。她虽然已经无法行走;就连要在床上翻个身子都有困难,看见了我, 她双臂开始慢慢的往床的表面压下去。我愣住了,赶紧向前托着他已有点松脱的背脊,支撑着她,再缓缓地矫正外婆的位置,坐在床角上。望着那颈部支柱套掐着的颈项,身躯已暴瘦得不成形的外婆,我双手紧抱着她,问候:"外婆,你还好吧?" 她似乎没有听到我对他说话,双脚不停随意摆动。
原来,她在努力的把小红鞋穿上。

妈妈走入了房门,和外婆笑谈了一下,一口流利的客话对她问道:

“ah ma, ngi ki tet ai zat fui zai mao?”
" 妈妈,你还记得这个肥子吗?"

外婆:“ki tet....ki tet.... ngi eh lai hao liang zai wor....hao tai zat....um hiao pui la..”
“记得。。。记得。。。你的儿子好英俊喔。。 好大只。。。不会肥啦。。”

妈妈又一脸笑盈盈的看着我,又问外婆 :

" ah ma, ngi kon ngai eh lai kho yi dang yi sang mao?"
" 妈妈,你看我这个儿子,能不能当个医生?”

这时外婆的脸色一变,认真起来了。妈妈只是开开玩笑的故意戏弄我而已,怎知,她,睁大双眼,很专心的凝视我的脸。看上看下, 最后满意的点点头说:

“tet”
“可以”


知道我不谙客话, 外婆继续用华语说:

“以后啊,你当了医生后,记得,要把外婆的病医好。。” “外婆老了,没用了,但是还是会等你做医生.."

我听了不懂要如何是好,便逞强的微笑,向外婆点点头。外婆的嘴角也弯了上来,露出没有假牙套的那张小嘴。

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
另一次见到外婆,她已经安详的躺在棺木里。她睡着的颜容依旧是我最熟悉的脸孔;只不过不知为何,我那时已像个委屈的小男孩,

崩溃,绝望;

心灵喘息在泪海里。


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


八个小时的路途已经把屁股给震个麻痹了,
进入了老屋,我轻轻的推开那扇木门。
床上是没人的,
但那双小红鞋,
依然像上次那样摆放在一旁。

这时坐在床边,
仿佛又听见外婆说:


"liang zai, 外婆会等你的!"




小明







(Livestation 云朵的照片下这一句 " Please wait for me there, promise I'll meet you someday",就是源自我和外婆的约定。 Rest in peace, and I miss you.)

STPM

今天应该是大学先修班政府考试的最后一天。。。 刚巧回到学校宿舍整理去年遗留下来的书本和纸张。

今天也是我考完STPM后的整整一年后。翻着老师给我们的复印笔记,还有那一叠叠的数学草稿,真的有点奇怪,怎么一年前的我,能够做出这么多的东西来。。

把东西分门别类,物理放在一叠;数学另一叠。。。 能够给朋友的都收起来,不能的就把它们搬到屋外的旧报纸堆里。。这样一卖,应该可以拿回7-8块钱吧。。

一年已经过了。。我才来整理留下来的“烂摊子”。。。一年后了,我到底有做了些什么?




小明

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

对不起

今天和朋友写了一首歌,

我建议它名为“对不起”。

歌的内涵深深的表达出了我的内心的感受

但歌里的故事就和现实生活不太一样。

现在很期待能把那曲子录音好,

还要经过比赛后, 才可以把它上载到这里。

我现在已经很 Beh Tong 了!!!哈哈



小明

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

信任

在自己最真诚想为别人付出的时候,却被人质疑,那种感受超烂。super 烂。extreme superior unbelievably 烂。

要是别人怀疑我的诚意,我一点都不会在意。。。
换着是自己的家人或是自己的最爱开始不信任我的时候, 这是一种痛苦。

真是有点不敢相信,你们居然会在这个时候,说出这样伤人的话。。

Sunday, November 30, 2008

大山脚那一夜

低音量的 "还记得"这一钢琴曲子,好像从远方传来的背景音乐这样。从第一个音符,到结尾的最后一个,仿佛是连接在一起的单音旋律,没完没了地将窗口里边的气息给染上一股莫名的空间感。其音调在四面墙壁互相回传,不视我的存在地在我耳朵旁穿梭。

我,还是振作不起来,继续把右侧脸颊用电脑键盘垫着。我并没有睡着。 看着那叠高高的化学笔记,还有那无形的牵挂;我脑子里的逻辑早已不知飞到万里长城的哪个角落了,就连屋旁的蟋蟀声也随着我漂浮的思考,一起一落,忽大忽小。也许是今天的晚上特别安静吧,就连对面的竹林沙沙声的被北风蹂蘭;隔两条路的狗吠,还有两三公里外的火车急凑的赶路,全都已成为狂想曲的配音。

其实,即将在这里呆过第十六个年份的我,对这个异乡有好多疑问。我很好奇,怎么这里的老老少少都是用福建话来沟通的呢?为什么大街的巴刹永远都会塞车? 又有些感觉,在这儿土生土长的朋友为何都是那么的聪明?还有榕树下的咖喱面档的老板娘,看来看去怎么永远都是那么年轻?安华老家外的居林路,又到底是为什么补来补去都是这样百孔千疮?

在脑海里打转了好久的这些疑惑,干嘛想来想去还是无法找个能说服自己的解说?即将离开大山脚的我,似乎在忧愁没有个答案来安抚我。

等等!在乌云撤退之际,我从窗外的天空看见一闪一闪耀眼的星火;我有个疑问:

多年来我独自躺在车盖上,看见的那七颗形成曲线的星星,会是北斗七星吗? 那么。。。。那一个相似巨蟹形状的八颗恒星,是不是真正的巨蟹座?


要是不介意的话,我想。。我想知道。。 到底将远走高飞的我,可不可以成为个道地的大山脚人? 我可以向别人说,我是个大山脚人吗?


想着问题,看着那依然不停向我抗议的闪灼星空,我双唇轻轻的说道:

"嗯。。这就是。。。我的家。"


大山脚, 我爱你。。。晚安!。千万别忘了我!


看了十几年了。。还不知道是什么东东星座。。


没搞错的话,这应该是北斗七星吧。。(谷歌好用!哈哈)



小明

Saturday, November 29, 2008

日新国中

日新国中

到了今天,日新给我的一个感觉就是 “家”。 这么多年风风雨雨的日子,我在日新不断的成长;从一个无聊幼稚的小瓜,到我今天这个思路复杂(还是有点幼稚)的老Ah Pek,这所学校在我的心中还是有很大的分量。我本身在好几所不同的中学念过书,虽说遇到的每一个朋友都是很棒的,但在学校设备和校风来说,日新还是最好好的。方成校长曾经说过,日新,就是日新学生的第二个家,这其实一点也不假。。。 我的性格,我的思维,我的作风,多多少少都是在日新这个大家庭培养出来的。
C Block

校园一角


日新虽然占地不大,课室虽然不够用,但这栋外表庄严的学府可是华人的血汗建起来的。经过多年的筹备与募捐,一座华教的基石就在整十多年前,建在南美园的湖畔。到了近几年,当我开始对华教斗争史有点认识的时候,我才发现到,日新所培育出来的并不单是社会的专业人才,而其更伟大的贡献是不断的把新一代养育成华校生。华族在世界各地能落地生根,并且能够超越其他族群的最大原因之一是华人的教育观。无论是用什么语言来授课,只要华教的精髓能够被发扬光大,那华校就已发挥其最大的作用了。我应该有在里面吧。。哈哈。。


虽说我并不一百巴仙满意日新的硬体设备和一些行政上的偏差,我对日新是没有任何怨言的。虽然纪律老师是有些刻薄无理,但是在我的观点来说,要是要染发,留长发长指甲,干嘛不去念马来校或英校? 干嘛还留在日新整天等被黄仙施抓?要是要披着日新的名来沾光,却整天唱学校这个不好那个烂,就干脆转校吧,好让别人有机会在日新念书。简单来说,华校的学生就要有华校的纪律!(不好意思,有点激动)
南美园的日落,我思念在广场静静的欣赏你。。。


Goh Mui Teng 时常在这里出没,等待翘课的学生

我在日新的日子,也有不少人生中的第一次。
第一次留长发,第一次被纪律老师盘问3个小时,第一次偷用实验室的化学药物作炸药,第一次参加歌唱比赛,第一次半夜溜回学校,第一次弹钢琴,第一次感受到超级无比paiseh,第一次去internet cafe,第一次十科科目fail 5科,第一次向女生告白,也第一次被拒绝,第一次在厕所给paikia bully,第一次踢足球,第一次。。。。。。


毕业过了两次,总觉得时间过得很快。



我在日新的最后一年,就在这一楼渡过。。


在日新的日子没有什么事没有做过的, 现在回头一看,虽然只有少许的遗憾,但怀念在我第二个家的时候令我很感慨。我想再次的在篮球场旁的爱心广场,观日落,想在放学的时候再冲向操场踢足球,想在和朋友再次在台上弹琴,歌唱。要是能够选择让时间倒流,我希望能够从2001年那时,再来一次走过我在日新国中的每一个时刻。(发梦)

其实不懂为何会突然想写这篇东西,好像rojak这样。真是的。。。。。。lol

啊。。日新日新 又日新。。。。



小明

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

迷失

朦胧的雾水里

摸索在那千米海拔的路上
随着那对彩蝶为我引导

我迷惑地赶着,
看不到尽头

的路。


当脸上的热泪

和差不多
已冷却的汗水
掺杂融混的时候

有感似是在拓荒

却又有几分像在穷追
那离我越来越遥远的前程;


顿时
我好想好想
沉睡在
鸳鸯蝴蝶梦里

我很是期望
现实容许绝望的肉体
能好好的
咽下最一口气。


世界啊,
你何曾给我一个时刻
回头,叙旧
好让我没有把愧疚

一起带着走

那难道
你让我追赶在前面
的那段时空

又能让我回到过去?


走着走着

我在羊肠小径
的朴素云朵里
迷失了方向


却在

那一场
午睡的梦
寻获了自己。




小明



*我必须开始新一段的思维,以放弃曾经;但希望我至少能不时回顾,那已开始远离我的过去*

Thursday, November 20, 2008

开口没完没了

所以不用开口! 简单!

有些事情越理越乱,越要交代越是说不清!
况且其实也没什么话好讲!哼! 哼!!!!!!!!!!

还给我吧。。。。。不要这样自私 霸道! 你不要我要!

我想通了。。。
至少我暂时已经解脱
这精神上的挣扎。。:P



小明

Monday, November 17, 2008

开不了口

当世间的杂声已开始稀疏

当太阳已高挂炎照着我那疲累的脸孔

当没有任何人再理会这一场隔岸的战役

当时间也停顿下来,拭目静观这无情无音的哑剧

当感觉依旧不停的挑衅我把事实说出口时,

我始终像周杰伦的那首 “开不了口” 这样,

为难,自责,遗憾

但也少不了那一点点儿,说不出的,

期望。




小明



也许吧,到最后的那一时刻。。。
我会很迫切
我的脸皮会长得比较厚一点。。
到时候才来说,应该还不迟吧?
哈哈。。

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

医德

没医德的医生,看你们这伙专业盗窃者能横行到几时!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

倒数.1222


有时候,我有感在椅子上,双手十指不停的轻弹着键盘,像是在电椅上为自己写份迟到的遗书。不,我并没有在这个时刻面对生死的抉择;而我可以感受到,等待一个不寻常期限的到来,的那种急躁的思维,那种火焰的情绪。

我人生的下一层次,正在缓缓流向那顺时的秒针,倒数着。我很好奇,我这彻夜不眠的身影,会不会健全的渡过那一夜。我也不知道,即将在沼泽里寻获的,会不会是个披着绿色森林的荒凉沙漠。

刚才在和宝点算着过去洋国家的一些必需品,我看着白纸上稠密的笔记;要带铅笔,便装,运动鞋,手提电脑,袜子,牙刷。。。。。。点算点算着,宝突然问道:

“寒衣呢?”

我停顿了一下。我心想,“寒衣??”
天哪。。。我怎么会遗漏了这样?忘了带去,恐怕冬天肥油不够用,会被冻死的!

我深深的吸了一口沉重的气体。。。再轻轻的把已被温度化的它,呼出口腔来。

老实说,之前我怎么想也没想过会要在那边过冬。我还很天真,还以为是去那儿夏日旅行。

还有,手套叻?” 宝又加上。

看来那儿的冬天应该是很冰冻的吧。。宝说就连15度都冷到象冰了。。更不用说两三度摄氏。
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

一去很可能三四年都可能回不来的。。。我知道这是个残酷的合同,是个现实的不平衡;但这终始会是我唯一的选择。是条不归路。我不断的抚慰自己,“我不能怕。。我不能逃。”

但说实在,我现在最需要的,还是一个可以依偎着的身躯,告诉我说,

“别担心,没事的!”


我承认。我,害怕了。

我并不害怕流浪他人的地盘;我只是抗拒离开我的家。我并不畏惧遇见新人事物;而我最不能失去的是家人朋友。

我害怕会忘了,我如何曾经深深的迷恋上了大山脚的这个一大片记忆。

将来的年月日里,在滔滔怒海里紧抱着那唯一的浮木,我想,我下一次回家的时候,会是个被遗忘的浪子;还是已经忘了“爱”的一个负心汉?


1222 倒数,还在进行着。



小明


Friday, October 31, 2008

与歌共舞的时候

我,对音乐很敏感。从小时候90年代的歌曲,到近代的RnB,每一首都给我留下很深刻的印象。不止如此,我对每一首歌都有不同的感觉。我喜爱的歌都是比较低沉伤感的,有少数的歌会让我觉得欢喜或振奋。

好多年前,我都会很羡慕会弹琴的朋友。在学校听到的都是Gred 什么Gred5Gred8. 说到要学钢琴,妈妈一脸无奈的抛出了一句:

“要吃都有问题了,你不要根我讲要学什么鬼东西。读好书来,赚多点钱来。。你以后要上太空都可以,ok?”

所以说来说去没什么好谈的。。。音乐?没有空的时候不会刻意去找收音机来听;因为我听歌的时候都会很用心的去享受那种感觉。有些人能一边读书一边听歌,有些连大便的时候也能来这一套;好像没有个会死掉这样。偶尔开车时听歌也会分心,尤其是初几次驾车时差一点把车开到沟渠里去。。虽然如此,我却很喜欢和朋友分享我爱听的歌。不管他们喜欢不喜欢,keras keras用MSN送给朋友听。。希望他们也能感受到我听歌的感觉。

我为自己买的第一个专集是酷玩的(ColdPlay) A Rush of Blood to the Head. 事隔多年了,他们的每一首歌都很好听。。不象一些Band这样,整个CD只有一两首歌是能听的。我大多数听的歌是英文歌,而华文歌我只爱周杰伦和以前的老派四大天王。其他的也有好料,例如曹格,林俊杰,五月天,五佰,还有一个以前唱“i so lonely, baby i so lonely" 的华人歌手,但很少接触到它们。
本身觉得新崛起的英文歌手有一位,那就是Chris Daughtry。他的歌是有点slow rock 的,但是超好听!

本地歌英文歌手呢,有一个啦。。但是已经蛮老了。。他是Jason Lo. 一个混血的沙拉越人。虽然他的个也是只有两三首能听,但是那两三首都是可以和外国巨星媲美的!他的旧歌有10年了,但到现在我还是喜欢哼他那一个"Evening News".


我听ColdPlay的歌时,我会觉得人生的道路还有很长

我听Jason Lo的Evening News 时,我觉得人生道路是很惆怅的

我听Christina Anguilera 的 You're Beautiful 的时候,觉得很有希望

我听Britney Spears 的歌时,我想起了我小时候看MV的时候

我听Uncle Crackers的歌时,我想起我第一次考跆拳道

我听I So Lonely, Baby I so Lonely( idunno the real title,chinese song lai)的时候,我想起住在武拉必的时候

我听Sugar Ray的Falls Apart时候,我会觉得很孤单。

我听Brian MacKnight 的Back at One的时候,我觉得很舒服

我听I Believe I Can Fly 的时候,我会有Adrenalin Rush

我听Come What May 的时候,觉得爱情是很坎坷的一段路途

我听周杰伦的歌时,我觉得他和方文三是绝配!

我听Marie DIgby的 Say it again时,我会蛮高兴的。

我听Cindy Lauper 的Time after Time的时候,我觉得自己已经蹉跎了很多岁月

.
我听Vertical Horizon 的 Grey Sky Morning 时,觉得自己曾经喜欢过的人是多么遥不可及的

.
听到MacyGray的 I Try 时,会想到以前做了不少“色衰”和愚蠢的事

.

听到Modjo的Lady时, 感觉上以后的生活会很冷淡无色

.

听到Crazy for this girl的时候,我会很羡慕有人陪伴的人

.

听到Enrique Iglesias 的 Bai la mor 和 Hero的时候,我会感觉很浪漫

.

我听到Hips dont lie的时候,会想起我中六的日子

.

听到The Fray唱的How to Save a Life的时候,觉得很庆幸自己还能活到今天

.

听到Keane 和JET的歌时,总觉得自己很老了。。。

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。这是个
。。。。。。。。。。讲不完的
。。。。。。写不尽的
。。。一篇
。写作
。。。。因为
。。。。。。音乐就是
。。。。。。。。。。我的过去
。。。。。。。。。。。。。和未来



小明

Thursday, October 30, 2008

菩提树


菩提
是坚韧又有个性
但怪僻顽固的老头
只要有水
还有新村的那一两户人家
就会往石沙扎根

水沟的裂缝

屋檐旁的疏水道

寺庙外的枯黄土地上

就是它的家。

死寂的下午
它一动不动
在川行不息的车道肩上
稳固的
为路人乘凉

在庄严的夜晚
他却会受不住清风的调戏
心形的绿叶顿时鼓掌了起来

发出那害臊,
羞涩的一笑

菩提啊菩提
希望你能
在十年

百年后
还是稳健的傲视着
这变迁的世界
好让像我年幼时
这样的顽皮鬼

在你的佑护下
班门弄斧

和玩追逐.


:-)


小明

Friday, October 24, 2008

I Am TOO Tired

I talk too much at school
I think too much when I'm alone
I work too hard in the office
I write too much when I'm sad
I worry too much when I'm down

Maybe.....

That's why I NEED A BREAK !

I'll not be updating this blog for a few days.. I really need to rest.

Bon Voyage!


XiaoMing

Thursday, October 23, 2008

那一封破情书


被埋没在一角的他,
在课室里,
死死等候着,
那已漂泊了一天,
二十四小时,或是
一千四百四十分,或是
成千上万的秒钟;

的告白。

时间
还在缓缓的过去,
但那脸上的焦虑,
是和前者,
形成的另一个极端;

从他不耐烦的眼神里,
我,

看出了期盼,
那就是简单的一句
“我愿意。”

女的,
是隔班的班花;
男的,
只不过是墙角里
与自己影子作伴
的小胖子。

“癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉?”
班上的一群男生兴奋的喊道 :

“喂,来看!”
“这事什么笑话?”

我知道了,
不对劲。

赶紧驱散了小恶魔们,

“来,给老师瞧瞧,那是什么?!”

吓!

眼前的地上,
是一张张单线纸
的残骸,

里面
是密密麻麻
的铅笔 字迹。

检起来看看,
虽然在拼图里没有“我爱你”的迹象,
碎纸片里
却印有
“你接受我吗?”的经典一词。

我,

心里失控偷偷的,
很压抑的,
笑了一声;

可是,
在角落里寻求庇护的那一位,
他恍然的神情,
他错鄂的脸孔,
呆滞的望着,
已经粉碎的
单线纸~告白信;

诚意,
真诚的告白.
*
他只敢悲怯,
却没有勇气,
在无情的取笑声中,

反击

和 愤怒。
*
毕竟只是个
天真、

倘未试过
初恋味道

的一个胖小孩。
------
-----
----
----
-----
------
小明

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

边沿人

今天的雨,下得特别大. 看似暴风雨,但我猜想是场长命雨;是那种没有4小时不停的. 把公事包整理好,人就溜之大吉了.

开车时才发现到,原挡风镜的刮水器要开到MAX才能把路看清楚. 也发觉,我的视力确差了一点儿. 就当我在那小径飞驰的时候,我隐约的从车子旁两侧的水花里看见一个瘦小的黑影.我打了个左转的讯号,停在铁路旁,菜农家的前面.

我把车镜卷下来,我看到了帝文. 我班上唯一不会中文的印度仔.

"Hoi thamby, naik kereta, naik !"

他看到了我,二话没说就跳上了车. 他全身湿透了,有点颤抖.

"Eh, you form one kah? I ajar you punya kan?"

"Tarak cikgu, saya masih remove"

" ooo.... yaya...remove...Peralihan F kan? ..... you tinggal kat mana?"

"Kampung Besar cikgu."

"Ooo..Kampung Besar... Mana tu? Ingat bagi tau cikgu bila nak belok bila nak henti ok?"


他的唇部,还是在不停的上下开拢...浅灰色的.

整一公里后,他突然说,"sini cikgu, sini....."

我心想,这里那里有Kampung Besar? 死鬼.

我行驶的着条小径是很出名的,凡是要抄一段街上捷径的车子,都必须要经过那里. 整条路,最具特征性的就是那一排的非法板屋,有些家庭有几辆脚车;糟糕一点的连水电都没有.

我停在了路边,雨还是下得很大,但是我听到了一句很大声的"Thank you sir!", 那个印度仔就匆忙的下车了..

我朝车外看,一个白衣青裤的小孩,消失在被风雨欺凌的小板屋内....
原来,那就是Kampung Besar.....


我想,那些整天动不动就说自己有特权有正义的人,真的是不残而废,是名副其实的废人.
政治人物垮口要保护什么主权,要我们这些寄居者滚开的, 我说你们统统kanasai.

看看种族极端者Rashid 和Ahmad Ismail 居住的洋房有多大.

看看凯里怎么花掉人民的千万令吉贱卖MV Augusta.

Muhd. Taib 怎么把十几万黑钱带到澳洲,结果还给人家逮捕.

马来西亚的首位"太空旅客"怎样挥霍了人民所应该的到的那一点点福利.

再看看我门未来首相的老婆一次在伦敦购物几十万令吉..

还有,那些违背自己民族整整50年的马华国大党


别说我对你们这些下贱狗贼不留情,你们根本没有种!


我在这一趟回家的旅途中,
我才深深的感受到,
贫困人家,是如何在逆流中挣扎
如何在完全没有"特权"的情况下,
争取活到隔天的机会.


到底,谁才是被边沿化的人?



小明

Sunday, October 19, 2008

字迹的迴响

我的字迹,
不是诗,
也不是曲,
*
而是我感受的涟漪。
*
在高歌的我,
其实,
只是呐喊的化身;
*
欢颜的面具后,
正就是万众霍然
唾弃的脸孔。
*
我的字迹,
给我最大的回酬,
是让我那股
怯弱,
懦怯的呻吟,
化作
*
永恒的言语。
*
在烟生喧嚣的乱世中,
播种最后一颗的谈吐,
和真心。
*
不论是谁人
在哪个地方
只要您能倾听到这
不寻常,
且低分贝的
*
呼叫;
*
请你们也和我一起俯望,
冥想
到底,
这字迹的回音,
源自何方?



小明


*当初开始动笔的时候,的那个理念,和现在的重心,都还是一致的; 那就是借用千年的文字,和现代的科技方便,来向外界求救,呼叫,和 狂喊出那心中的遗憾及感慨。*

Thursday, October 16, 2008

铁窗外


儿时的我,
想了又想,
不断的揣测,
那铁窗外的,
一株大雨树;

它,
都是在悠闲的傍晚
被镀上了黄金?

还是

被曙光照得闪闪发亮?

也曾经奢望过,
想长出双翅,
向牢牢的铁窗外,
展翅飞翔
希望从高空凝视,
大地在傍晚的金黄。

还有,
无任的自由,
无限的梦想,
吃力的,一步一步
把我带到希望的身旁。

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

有人说,
岁月 是漫长的.
但我说,
岁月 其实就是
你眼前的那一刹那.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

温暖的黄昏气流,
再次把我拖回小时候,
的那个铁窗旁;
再次以稚气的眼神
双手紧握着锈铁杆,
向外看。。。。。。

原来
披在那老雨树的,
不单是反射的阳光,
更不是什么金缕衫.


那竟是一道微弱的光

毫不自我

向大地挥洒的永恒

希望

小明

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

卖水果的Uncle

对我来说,武拉必不只是一个新村;而是个塑造我一生的一个小地方。虽小,但是要把这个小甘榜的“传奇故事”都说出来,恐怕三年八个月都没法做到。说到有意义的,我这儿就有一个;要说的主角就是在武拉必中学外的小贩UNCLE了。

从前,我看到那卖水果的秃头老人家,虽然有点儿同情的心理,但是由于他于身体时常发出扑鼻难闻的汗酸味,我都不是他的常客。妈说小贩的酸梅粉会吃坏身子;朋友说UNCLE的手指有伤痕却没有包扎起来;还有,马来西亚的道德教育观(教育系统)都是对小贩有偏见的(特别是水果小贩。读华校的大家,还记得一二年级读的道德教育吗?)。所以每每经过他的档口,我都是会闪一边走,不会刻意给他看到。小孩子嘛,根本就不能怪我这么歧视他。

整整十年后,当我已经换了个身份回去了老家时,我还是看到熟悉的面孔;他穿的那件破旧的POLO T-SHIRT,那顶英式的老人帽子,他,还是双脚牢牢的盘根在他的小档口前,耐心的为熟透的黄梨削去它的外皮。以前是踩着铁马的;虽然现在架着车子,我还是没有路过停下来捧场他。我当时心想:“有手有脚,又不是说不能跑不能跳,好做不做却卖水果卖了十几年。。不懂他到底是不是天天晚上都是把卖剩的水果自己吃掉呢?”

念书回来后来来往往了好几个月,我突然发现到,老人家不买了。会不会是拿个病假?已经“GO”了? Choy choy choy.. 或者是。。。。赚够了钱出外旅行了?哈。。这个就不大不可能吧。。


上个礼拜去上班的时候,我和隔座的国文老师谈天的时,才知道了真相。老人家并不是生病,也没有“走”,当然也不是去度假。。 其实,那位UNCLE的孩子在新加坡的货船意外中,被活活烧死了。那是他的独生子,也是他之前唯一的仅剩的亲人。听说好像是好几天没开档了。

我听了整个人冷了下来,好像被点击到一样,发呆了好一小片刻。

今天我又再次路过,档口还是空的

正当我右转入学校时,才发现到那位UNCLE,骑着他的三轮车,车上有载着有木瓜,西瓜,黄梨,还有一大桶的凉茶。他的脸上并没有什么特别的表情,只有那流不停的汗水修饰着那黝黑的皮肤;双脚努力的踩动着那载满一天生计的三轮车,踩向还是很渺茫的未来。

我顿时对自己的无知及愚昧感到恶心,厌恶。

停车后,我也低头,为他祷告。



小明

Sunday, October 12, 2008

低音提琴

它,
在一场梦幻的交响乐里
是沉重且令人敞开胸膛,
的一段配曲。

但是

它,
孤立自己的时候
却是令人绝望,
伤感,
但不使人厌倦,
的锋利单调。

它,
搭配上
古典美女的气质,
细小粉白的双手,
一边轻巧的抚慰着,
怜惜着,
那松木弓;

另一边,
以千斤重的豪情,
轻轻的弹拨,
那细腻琴弦。


每一声,
都像在与我对唱,
在提示着 ,
寒冬后的春,
将会覆盖着过去的苍老;
以及将展现,
将至的未来.

但,

有谁曾经过问

那阴森沉重的奏乐后
是谁的悲伤和抽泣

又有谁知道

「胡桃钳组曲」 的背后
是一段隐藏在秋天里
的悲剧.


不知不觉

大会堂里那股浑厚的低音嗓子

俘虏了我的心.


Haha..And again, thank you Angel,again, for pointing out my "violin". You are a really great and enthusiastic double bassist!
小明

Monday, October 6, 2008

下雨

今天又与如常的末秋一样,雨,下得特别大。锌板屋底下避雨的我除了颤抖,眼前只有水帘的影子维护着我发冷的身躯。

雨,越下越大。一颗颗的雨粒,以千万计的数量,从天空的乌云逃离而落;降落在头上的屋顶的震撼力,深深的打入了我皮肤的表面。那单调而刺骨的曲调,在这时候响奏起来,足以占领我那空虚的躯体。

可笑的是,落水狗被滂沱大雨袭击时而毫不作声的落难样子,竟然映射了它面前的那孤单人类;无依无靠的时候竟然连一只癞痢犬都不如。顿时,在耳朵里的一切音调,都是冷酷酸涩的嘲笑,眼球里头看到的也只是重叠的幻影;但是,脑海里倘有保留着生命中的最后一条救生舢板。虽然还没开始感觉到喘息,我每一次的呼吸已经是多么的沉重,无奈。在实际上,就仿佛我手中里呵护着一把伞,可是,却没有勇气的把它往上撑开来;任由自己的单纯,。。嗯。。。不是。。。是固执,把自己给削弱了,打击自己的勇气,让这垂死的心灵这样在雨中被灭去。

“轰”一声雷,我被吓的整个人都跳了起来。在那一刹那,我脸上只有梦醒后内疚和遗憾的表情;我再低头往自己的双手一看,原来是空的。 是没有伞的。是虚幻的征兆。

我双脚用力往前弹跳,
冲往那倘未被九皇爷收起的无形障碍,
从一个吵闹杂瘴的屋檐下,
优雅的进入了雨点给我的解脱与宁静;
还没在小屋里被钉死的影子,
也随从了我的步伐,
失踪在那天的下雨




小明

Thursday, September 25, 2008

百宝箱~回忆录

今天是农历八月十五。虽然雾水把月圆给蒙上了一层,但是向来年尾的冰冷夜晚还是一样的寂静。原本想抽出一小会儿来提灯笼的,但是始终还是打不起那份精神来与邻居凑凑热闹。心里,总是觉得很空虚。本少爷脾气还算不错,但是发起头疯来的时候,连什么最好的东西都是没有味道的。可能就因此,世间所谓的“乌托班”根本不在我幻想范围内。 或许是刚才没能好好的仰慕月亮的娇气,心情很是烦躁低落,坐立不安的。想找人倾诉, 四周, 寂静;我被无奈和空荡的四周压迫的很辛苦.我把身子扑在桌上,双臂托着我的脸....忽然,我想起了,桌下的那个铁箱..... 我差点儿忘它的存在.



去年的今天,我,也是孤独的,孤立的。我思想守旧,一旦对某些东西或事情有了感情之后,要放弃总是最为难的时候。我的旧鞋子,破衣服 烂书本 考卷纸 发黄的旧照像 等,我还是没法把它们清除。就连当初朋友离别时请我吃的巧克力包装纸,事经四年了,还是静静的被锁在我的那旧抽屉内。翻开那充满回忆的四方铁格,我好不容易又回忆起童年的趣事。看见以前和实习老师的合照,我抬头对这天花板凝视,企图把她的名字从回忆捞取回来。。。。 拍写,我真的,还是想不起。 :P



翻啊翻,我又无意中捡到一张破旧的收条。收据的日期写着年份1998年,买的手表是CASIO牌子,价格是当时的八十元正。十年了,我还不舍得丢掉它,因为那是爹给我买的第一支手表,而现在我左手腕上的这一支便是多年前的那一个。看看已经刮花的塑料手表,就想起这支手表与我走过的一切酸甜苦辣。曾经,我很想把它一手给扔进家前的大沟渠里,因为怨恨父亲把我刮了一巴掌;我曾经恨他对我下手太重,在闹市里把我打到满脸鼻血。但是,我也还未忘记,就在我和纪律老师“僵持不下”的时候,老爸却放下身份向老师鞠躬道歉;更把我的过错挥制在一旁。虽然那一幕在我的记忆中早已模糊散去,但,他,原谅了我;而我,还记得。那支腕表,我还留着。


哦?怎么会有这一个像框?像框里头的照片我很熟悉,但是,照片里的人事物,却令我产生了莫名的生疏。啊!那个就是我。。看着自己倘胖嘟嘟的身材,不知不觉嘴角两边都轻轻的攀上了脸颊。当时的我,形象什么都是假的,只有邋遢恶心最适合表达我的外观。咦,那不就是慧悟吗?那个班长是这些年来我看过最潇洒不过的一个。讲话口无遮拦,虽然说话听起来很废,但是都是实话。。。我赞! 凝视照片当儿,我也看见了她。她曾是学长,又是华乐团的,坐在老师的旁边还是挺有气派的。我曾说过,镜子里的她犹如画中漫步出来的仙子;现在想想又有点儿好笑。可笑是我觉得自己还是蛮痴情的,明知不可能还是傻傻地等了好几年。以前学校文学创作用来描述她的一举一动,现在想起来都感觉肉麻到有肌肉综合性抽痉的倾向;用在这儿,毛骨悚然绝对不是个夸张的形容词。无论如何,我想通啦。这样死缠烂打只会令人烦倦;至于她能够礼貌的拒绝那份告白,我也想在此向她致谢。说到最后,她,还是蛮可爱的 :D

想到这里,艾。。。。事情还过得挺快的。。收一样东西就收了整七八年,还没算到给我弄出土的那个名字胸章,也是一年级的林老师亲手给我戴上的。。哇。。。 十三年了。。: -)


想起来这些点点滴滴,有感未来生活其实不止是一场戏,而是一场自己导演的戏;要温馨要伤心,要感恩要痛恨,要遗忘要铭记,包括要放弃完美的结局或要为自己上演一段美丽的结果,全部都像是导演拍不完的片断一样值得期待。。。一样的,已落幕的过去,也是一样值得去怀抱,去回忆。
....................
............
夜,已深了;人,也累了。
生锈的铁抽屉摩擦一声响,我把过去都一股脑儿给收好来了。


一九九七年的邮集簿




pikachu, i choose you! 2001





当年IHSAN请我的:P





不用找我了。。小学的我,是害羞,自闭的。。照相很少有我的出现
里头都是我的同班朋友。那位就是当时的实习老师。




小时是球迷,长大后就不是了。。但这份报纸很有纪念价值:D



九八年买手表的收据



她,给我写的一些评语。我已经努力纠正自己了:D



小明

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Long Lost Feeling

Think I developed "waiting-for-someone-in-msn syndrome" recently.
It was a long time before I remembered waiting for somebody to online in MSN. God please save me from this. I'm so afraid of it :-(

Thursday, September 18, 2008

风筝飞


风儿吹,似流水般,
轻扶我水面透气。
挣扎,
与自己的叛逆对抗,
犹如沉溺在急流的小孩.

路人皆为我而安静的感到怜惜,
但事实始终都要我原地打转,
就只因为
光阴无法摧毁我的记忆。



风儿吹
你是个纸制的竹架风筝,
你在高飞时,
我在跑啊跑;
兴奋的眼神没有谁不知。

你飞翔时的那片影子,
把烈阳遮盖了脸颊的一边,
另一只眼睛依然不畏惧,
前意识的眯上了,
但只要还能看到你,
我双手
还是会紧握着那鱼线。
我,
依旧跑个不停。



风儿吹,你已飞了多高?
希望我扯一扯,
还有我
无目的地的跑啊跑,
能把你越带越高。

天真的妄想,
你能呼吸到银河系的空气;
愿你能够越飞越高...

绿色的武拉必草场上,
只有我为你感到骄傲。



风儿吹,什么都熄得了,
就是没能把我决心吹掉。

那天傍晚
我与大风搏斗,
那双小手
颤抖把线条拉呀拉
不停的收回
你已远离我的躯体。


“嗒!”


多么希望
那是树干被折断的奏曲,
但手上只有断了的弦,
还有被割破的手掌心;
已冷却的流血,
只能感受在心底。



风儿吹,我闭上眼睛,
一脸毫不在意的表情,
掩饰了心底,
在沉溺的自己。

竹架风筝啊,
你到底在哪里?

长大后才知道,
人类最远只到过月亮。
那你该还没到过太阳吧?



五六年了,
操场上的妖媚风筝
我一点儿也不感兴趣
你的脸孔

你的飞跃
依然是我的最熟悉。



风儿吹,长大后的某一天,
希望我能
不顾仪态的跑啊跑,
也许那时身穿破旧的校衣;
或是长袖和领带,
脚步轻快的踏在雨后的草地上,

向那已放晴的蓝空狂喊



“风筝,你回来啦!”





小明

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Behind The Braille Part II

Handling emotional situations like a farewell, to me is almost something I've mastered in my teaching career. I can bare the most awkward situations where students cry infront of me, and the worst I can ever imagine is some silly public confessions by cute little girls. While packing my things and cleaning the mess on my table this morning, students who were acknowledged of my transfer came by my desk and looked at me with serious faces.


"Why so serious? "(was possessed by joker).


Those imps who I felt like crushing their skulls yesterday, appeared so quiet and obedient now, and one thing I like about their culture is that, the very basic respect they have for the elders. Of course, they wished me lucks, and I did not say much but replied with light nods and smile. The satisfaction of becoming a teacher is indeed not that kind of praise or approval to your services, but its to see your school kids learning something at school, discovering themselves as special individuals, each and everyone of them.


Nevertheless, my last day at work at the school today had not been like any others.


Although I wont be there anymore the next day, I still went into classes. I taught them something called Excellent Thoughts. Great philosophies by Bill Gates, Einstein, and Thomas Edison. I told them each person has their own thoughts, but not all are correct. Everyone has also their own flaws, but not all are always bad. In everybody, I believe that, there is something that really worth exploring and appreciating. Today, as usual, Sayuti leaned his chest forward, and both hands embracing his Braille typewriter. Listening to my speech carefully, he knew that I was leaving. Maybe that was why I did not see his usually casual, quiet grin.


This is Sayuti and his Braille Typewriter



Before my last lecture in that class ended, I held Sayuti's hands tight and said "Hey, remember to work hard no matter what..Read more books..err.. Refer to books always and remember to do alot of revisions before the exam. You gotta work hard ok?"


He did not raise his head up to me. But he kept nodding his head and said, " Ya Cikgu. Dapat Cikgu."


That hurts. I was just trying to be optimistic. Advising him to study more, so that he could become very outstanding one day. But I knew that his fate is just not gonna be like any of his friends around him. I knew what I said were contradicting my heartfelts, my so called "liang2 xin1". Dang, this is the feeling that is most awkward and annoying to me, in which I couldnt do much to hide my own distress.


I walked into the class with only 10 so-called 'excellent thoughts' in my hand; but I walked out the door with a million thoughts in my mind.


As I was preparing to punch out today, I deliberately peeked into that class again. And Anis, a Special Student like Sayuti, was actually guiding normal students who had missed their notes during the lectures. While she was reading the text out loud and confident to her friends, I felt that there is still a heck long way to go in their lives, and luckily, I can, at least, see their future in a piece, not shattered by their inability to see.

And without knowing it, I was smiling again, alone, from afar.



Xiao Ming

* I would like to thank Mr. Mohd. Zaman, one of the experienced teacher in Special Education Department for his care and love for the disabled. Unlike other teachers, he and his dedicated team have been sincerely helping a group of unfortunate kids in this society; guiding them when they need guidance, shining rays of hope into their lives in the future. *

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Tagged :P


The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.


Starting time: 2051
Name: Xiao Ming
Sisters: 3
Brothers: 1
Shoe Size: 10-11~
guaHeight: 178 cm
Where do you live: Bkt Mertajam
Favourite drinks: milk (still dunno why i like this)
Favourite breakfast: oat+prune+honey
Have you ever been on a plane?: yes
Swam in the ocean: yes
Fallen asleep at school: started to sleep in class since form 4 (during CheeWoonChoy's class).
Broken someone's heart: Nope.(no one would ever let me do that)
Fell off your chair: yes(when i was small)
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Nope (did get unexpected calls)
What is your room like:Lots of books,single bed,a desk a chair.
What's right beside you: My shirt ( I'm not wearing one now)
What is the last thing you ate:Porridge + Sardines
Ever had chicken pox: yes
Sore throat: ya(havin' it right now, it sucks)
Stitches: Nope (thats why i have deformed scars)
Broken nose: No
Do you believe in love at first sight: Dont know,probably
Like picnics?: Nope(feel weird when ppl staring at me eatin')
Who was, were the last person you danced with:No one.
Last made you smile: angelia's comment:P
You last yelled at: Students
Kissed anyone: No one besides parents
Get sick: yea.Once a year.It's a fixed trend
Miss someone: Sure. Miss my friends alot. (SeeKay!)
Eat: Yes ( you can see that from my size)
Best feeling in the world: Learning new piano songs
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: When I was small, yes.
What's under your bed: Dust, notes, books, papers, pens, my Dutchwife?
Who do you really hate: The current RACIST government.

What time is it now?: 2105

Things I was doing 10 years ago
1. lazy-ing2. Routine3. day dreaming4. quarelling with family5. waiting at the front door for my parents to come back home.

5 things on my to-do list today:1. finish this tag??2. go kai kai in town 3. update my blog4.think of new source of income...5 finish up my novel

5 snacks I enjoy:1. chocolate(bt i hate its calories) 2. lekor 3. chai kuih4. fishballs5.buns

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:1. fulfill my family's wishes2. Settle family debts3.Buy a house and decorate it4.charity5.and yea, travellllling!!!!

5 of my bad habits:1. LAZY!!!(guess this is a very common bad habits)2. like cleaning my ears with cotton buds3.yaya i've got a hunch back too :( getting very serious now 4. get moody easily,coz i think too much 5.Being too loyal to someone ,,maybe?..

5 places I have lived/stayed a night in:1. a hotel2. a car3. airport4.backyard of neighbour's house5. Landlord's house

5 things I will do after complete what im busy with:1.Piano2. Online(friendster facebook blogspot blogging 3.planning tomorrow's activities 4. kai kai 5. watch late night news :P

5 people i tagged:1. Wen2. ChinYee3. ChynBoon4.Phey Shan5.Leeds Utd



walaueh...long post :P

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Anwar Wins with 15k Majority 安华万五多数票稳赢巴埬埔

Based on an unofficial updates from the election centers, Anwar is currently leading with a majority of 15671 votes over his Barisan Opponent, Arif Shah. This means that the PKR Leader has already successfully secured his P44 Permatang Pauh Parliamental seat, winning the historical by-election.

Reformasi! Reformation!改革!


(special thx to Angel for the accurate update on the number of majority:P)

xiao ming

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Behind the Braille

Behind the Braille - A True Story




The Braille typewriter(Embosser) - a wonderful creation.




My mom used to remind me over and over again, especially during the time when I felt so contented and proud of myself, she pounded into my head " Dear, many unfortunate people may not even have enough food to feed themselves, let alone to dream of doing something great. You're are lucky, and so am I, that we know we're still alive, at least"



Frankly speaking, I did not quite understand what philosophical values are present together with the words my mom told me, until the day I saw this boy. His name was Sayuti.



For the past few weeks I have been in this school, lesson after lesson I went into classes and quickly pack my things and go home when the school bell rang. Sayuti came into my attention when I received an unexpected interruption during one of my lesson, one day.





" Sir, can you please slow down your speed. I couldnt get everything you said."



" Ermm... oh yea...for sure."





The voice of this soft-spoken student had rocked my mood. For the very first time, I realised that there were somebody who actually paying their attention and listening to my English lecture. I felt good, but it was just after a split second when I tried to rewind what I had taught just a minute before, to double-check the mistakes that I mightd done. And I thought to myself, " None could have sensed any of my mistakes, if I had any.



"But it was another second when embarassment striked me, infront of the whole class. Miraculously, nobody had made me felt embarassed, neither did Sayuti. The rest of the class were in their own business; clipping fingernails, reading magazines, and most of them, slept in my class. But as far as I could remember in a flash just before Sayuti raised his stick-like-skinny-hand and came in to interject my boring jet-speed lecture,- the mechanical sound of the typewriter had never halted. The intensity of the machine's hum would end with a light and sharp "Ding!", each time it had been around for about half a minute.



It was Sayuti and his braille typewriter. I knew his eyes were sunken deep into the sockets, making vision something impossible to him. Maybe because of this impairment, he had been very sharp in his hearing and I can say he had perfect sensibility at the end of his fingers. Everytime when I started my lesson, he would incline the position of his skull,facing me and as if he was "looking" at me, I knew he wasnt though. He would even nodded or simply said "yes,sir" whenever I asked for response from the class, and whats more impressive is that, everything happened together with his fingers hitting on the England-made Braille Typewriter, fast and accurate, producing some small-embossed Braille codes on that oversized Mahjong paper.



"And what if the rest of Sayuti's physically normal classmates lose their eyesights one day, and will never see anything anymore?"

This question struck my head.

Men will never really appreciate something until they're on the verge of losing it.Sayuti was born blind.

But he seemed so brave. He never wanted to miss out anything in his life.





I had an unusual feeling that had me preoccupied with for minutes.





Stood infront of the class, I heard his voice again."What are you waiting for, Sir?"

"ah.. Nothing....Let's get back to the text..."







As I went on with my explanation on the Sonnet18,

the vivid tapping sound of the Braille typewriter continued,

to find its way out,

and perhaps the way will never lead him to great success in life,

but I'm certain it is something called DETERMINATION and COURAGE.









I would like to dedicate this entry to my physically-impaired students, and also to all disabled schoolgirls and schoolboys around the world.















Xiao Ming