挣扎

闭上眼睛

双手合十

祷告的时候

向我涌上来

无助

无奈

真相何时回来

这场梦境

这个路程

何时

会走到最后

上天

求求你

到了终站的时候

把我唤醒

我不要继续

沉睡在里面

小明

看不见

无月的夜
竟被沉默突袭
是谁在悲伤
是谁在忧郁
是时间 抛弃了我
还是我自己
已放弃了自己

小明

不怕

哪怕窗外的阳光，

散在落寞的影子，

我只要抬头一望，

太阳，

白云，

鸟儿

都在微笑。

哪怕今天我跌到，

我庆幸，

还能感受到

每一个呼吸

。。

从Helen转载

Untitled

Never knew it would hit me so hard.

" Hey XM, you are not you today. From the first minute I saw you this morning, I know you are not XM. What happened to you? Stressing out too much?"


I have to admit that it wasnt my day yesterday, I slept early and was energetic throughout the day, but I just can't focus properly on what I was doing. My mind was lost, somewhere in the middle of the wilderness.

And on that night, experienced one of the most terrifying dreams in my life, I would say. I was constantly running, hiding, seeking for help and yelling out loud. I remember struggling helplessly and no one would ever hear me screaming. The dream was so nasty and disgusting that I nearly threw up in my bed.

I'm putting an end to all these dramas. Go away the all the bad lucks, and please occupy me, Holy Spirit!


Xiao Ming

火星见面

天空
只有闪闪发亮
看似已冻结
凝固
的水晶

在真空
的沙尘里
静坐
眺望到银河系
的核心点

我想
你离开我
到底有多少个
光年
究竟有
多远？


不知曾在哪个
绿蓝 红紫
的星球上
和你相遇

在这片阴森森
的红土地上

你的身形
跟着那
结冰的流水
成了对比

你的幻影
再次浮现
在这
无人的旷野里

你
就是我在
火星
遇见的
第一个人类



小明

无题

有些误会， 真的是跳进黄河洗不清。。唉。 :(

HOT！ . 热！

犹如在烘炉里
散发出的热气

带着枯叶

沙粒

和从你手中
奏出的旋律

再次瘫痪了
珀斯
和我的
心情。


xiao ming

无题

我习惯了一个人
有时和朋友在一起
会觉得有一点点
不自在

但是
今晚
我特别想念
你我相瞪
的那一刹。。。

小明

New Year Resolutions 2010

1. Behave myself. Especially my bloody mouth. Talk less craps.

2. Make more time for studies. Must obtain at least a pass for each unit!

3. Reduce time spent on non-academic internet surfing to 30 minutes a day. Cannot blog more than once in one fortnight. - Holidays not included.

4. Go beach jogging at least once a week.

5. Okay. A more realistic goal than previous year. Need to slim down at least 8 kilos!

6. Quit cheap snacks in campus. Should be able to resist a 50% mark-down on the price tags of canteen foods.

7. Speak proper English in all occasions. Hoping to reduce the excessive usage of -lah, -meh, or yakah..

8. Spend more time watching online sermons, strengthening my faith in the midst of hardships.

9. Get a second job before winter holiday starts.

10. Fix the old guitar, learn some new songs.



Friends, please remind me about these resolutions once a while and check if I'm doing the right thing! =] Thanks!


Wishing everyone a fantastic year of Tiger! rawrrr!



Xiao Ming

A Review on my 2009 New Year Resolution

I set myself a list of new year resolutions last year, and its now the time to see IF I achieved anything, and creating a new list for the year of Tiger.


In 2009.....

1. Concentrate on my studies. Put full force in catching up lessons I've missed or forgotten.
A fairly relaxing first year at uni, for me. Didn't give 100% in my studies.

2. Pass all papers, at least, a pass.
Passed all papers, not all HD's though.

3. Sleep early.
Slept too early. Wish to maintain this habit.

4. Get rid my addiction towards MSN Messenger and internet. This is serious.
Became quite attached to FB and MSN before the major exam of the second semester.

5. Exercise regularly. Even though I might not have enough time for that or I might be tired after uni lessons, I want to keep myself fit and alert all the time.
Managed to go for a run, probably once or twice every week.

6. Put off weight > 15 KGs at least.
Not achieved.

7. Pick up the local accent as soon as possible.
Get tongue-tied whenever I got nervous, Malaysian slang slowly fading away...but it still doesnt sound even a bit like the locals.

8. Always hold onto my principle "Can see but no touch".
Yeah!

9. Always be in a state of "high-motivation". Reduce my taste for melancholic elements.
The busier I got, the less worries I had. Getting a little emo especially during holidays.

10.Get a part time work and fit it in well into my schedule soon after my course starts.
Yep.

11. Importing in an organ/keyboard into my room! This is a must!
Done.


Generally, I'm satisfied with my performance last year, but still there are still plenty of rooms for improvements!



Xiao Ming

黎明

小明以沉重的心，把此稿献给在龙舟意外罹难的钟灵师生，他们的挚爱，亲朋戚友，还有，所有无法忘记这伤痛的人们。
This posting is dedicated to the victims of SMJK Chung Ling Penang Dragon Boat tragedy, their family, friends and of course everyone who mourns the loss of these young lives.



波浪
有规律的向岸边
轻轻地
拍了又拍

像妈妈
背着暖暖的阳光
温柔的
把你唤醒

要你换上
那套在昨日
早已熨好的
校服

海风
尝试在沿海的
石缝
沙堆
吹奏令人鼻酸
的《祝福》

犹如身边的
一草一木
还有
擦身而过
的人们

弯背
俯首，
安静的祷告
只希望
世界会更美好
你我相会的时候
都会微笑


天亮之际
码头上的我
不停的向远处 挥手
仿佛又看见了 你们
还有
那已悄悄离去
的背影




小明

树阴

在艳阳下
漫步
干而粗糙
的风

带着桉树
那股淡香的亲吻
溜过
我的双颊

我
闭上双眼
感受大自然
的耳语。。
。。。

慢慢的
吸了口气
然后
。。。呼。。。。

穿插
在天篷下
我不禁想紧紧地
熊抱着，你，

大树

感谢你
罩着我的旅程
在那
树阴之间

小明

What a GIRL wants

To be honest with you all, I'm not a fan of Twilight saga. I remember when the first movie of the series was screened for the first time, Edward instantly became the most admirable fair-skinned(or pale looking) creature on earth. That's a time when pictures of Edward and Bella were seen almost everywhere. Facebook, Friendster, and even on friends' lappy wallpaper."He is.... Hot", sexy", cute", charming", juicy", you name it; over-praising Edward had almost become a daily ritual for girls. ( I'm not jealous-lah) :P

But even before I can fathom this absurdly abnormal phenomenon, Jacob appeared and replaced Edward's status as the sexiest figure in the story. Poor Ed, you rose at first, and then fell because you are obviously lacking something which Jacob possesses - the firm,bronze/tanned and six-packed abs.

Girls are mean, that's a fact I've learned from past experience. Girls fantasize good looking men. And girls love abs and "big guns" too, just look at what happened to Edward and you'll know why.


I'm not crapping here, I'm telling the truth.
I've even found a comment left by a girl of conscience in YouTube to support the 'craps' i wrote here.

>>>
>>>>


LOL


Xiao Ming

无题

走到河边
我第一次
绝望

握着的枫叶
已经干枯了
萎缩了
好比我的心

根本想不出
任何理由
找不到
任何借口

来欺骗自己
告诉自己
我还能够
感受

我
真的还懂得
怎么去爱吗？

小明

Merry Christmas

I would like to wish everyone a really awesome Christmas, and friends, spread the joy to people around you. Christmas celebration here in this place is hopeless.

Where is everyone?
Surrounded by wonderful people in my life and yet feeling extremely lonely and tired. Feeling like the whole world have dumped me aside and care me no more.
Seriously looking forward to going back home.

Bah.... Nonsense!

Merry Christmas anyway. :)


Xiao Ming

Lies

When joy,
cheering,
and happy tears

are merely
a Veil,
wrapping up
hatred,
wrath,
and sins.


When hugs,
kisses,
and Vows

are creating bruises

and
breaking hearts

leaving behind
permanent scars

And a battered soul
that never
heal


When a wait
to see promises

germinating

has been too long


or perhaps
I became a little
too lonely


That's when I was left
wandering
without company
in the streets of
Philadelphia

Xiao Ming

眼神

没有笑容
紧绷
的嘴角

讨人怜爱
弯弯
的眉毛

不知如何
我被
散发着 幸福
的凝视
俘虏

慌张
挣扎

你我尝试
来一段 无声
深邃
的对话




小明

云

随着
内陆的流风
和蒸汽
你
缓缓地流浪
在晴天

点缀了
空寂的 夏日
但却
苍白了
本已忧郁
的蓝空

就好象
对着你
不知该是喜悦
还是愁

或是执著
还是放手


朝云啊
朝云
你来也匆匆
不在旧地多留

你去也匆匆
就如春梦
的行迹

来，不多时
去则无寻处

小明

The Shadow

It's the leaves
dancing
in the sea breeze

making that gentle,
yet shattering
noise
of hopelessness
and despair

Where can I seek refuge
from the reality
and its cruelty?

Under the star-studded
sky
Lost, and crippled,
I can't help but to wonder

why am I still here
struggling
to break free

why can't I let go
things that weren't even mine
in the first place

why....

why...

Perhaps,
I may never know
the answers

that lie beneath
the shadows of
ignorance,

and self-deceit.


xiao ming

A Conversation

In the dark, sacred moment

I found peace

I relinquished

everything and anything

in my life



I slept like never before

sound , and tight


I wrestled through

million thoughts of mine


Love, Anger, Frustration and Hope

Sadness, Freedom, Lust, and Joy

..uncountable...

like the twinkling diamonds in the sky




"oh, talk to someone, my dear"

I heard the the Creator
whispering to me, tenderly

" there you go my boy,
now, you are free.."



Xiao Ming

Lost

I heard

the screams
warning me of the unseen
and the unforeseen

the awful cries
that awakened me
from my sleep
and also the ignorance inside


Where is the sunrise
that has long been absent
in my heart?

Down here
its cold,
its dark;
and it has been
a starless night
that I can see no one.

Xiao Ming

诺言

还记得
你最后一次
向我叮咛

要我好
要我离开
不要惦记

就让过去
像春天盛开的黄花一样
在炎夏
无奈的挥别
一望无际的山丘


足足五年
我痴傻的等待
连心思
都已完全
寄生在想你的画面

在我相信永恒
的时候
你却
把我的梦想
没收

在我无法自拔的时候
就这样
转身就走

还记得
我最后一次
向你承诺

我会学习放下
和忘记

我会永远 永远
不再执著

小明

无题

这几天，
每一样事情都逆着我走
很多事情都不顺利。。

从正经的事
到不正经的

统统都好象给我欠了一百万这样。。

讨工讨不到，
讨到了又没钱拿

想年尾回家
想到头都爆了
却看不到什么希望

就连要朋友Link 一下我两个部落格，
都被酸了几句。。。
“ I'm not interested in your politics and poems,so why should I link you?"
想赚NUFFNANG 的几分钱，要求朋友的一点方便，原来也要受这样的冷落。。。


今天踢完球了。。。
我又好像脱壳了这样

好像吃了兴奋剂这样

好像忘了

还有很多事情等着我去办。。。




小明

无题

啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

很想就这样
把委屈
呐喊出来。。。

夜

草于8月5日2009

这是个

多么寂静的午夜

流风吹在胶木上

摩擦出

一道道

流血的痕疤

凝固在杆上的

叫做思念的痕迹

来不及躲避

夜

的突袭

我受伤了

伤透了

就连下弦月

也按耐不住

这独角戏

拉下了乌云，那扇布帘

已悄悄的

退席

小明

无题

今天接到了一题数学题
是 inequalities 的

一眼看过去
应该是很简单的
就算Form 6 最容易的，
都难过着一个

但是，
我真的，
我真的不会做算数了

以前两年时间练出来
的数学真金功夫
竟然在两年后
差不多给忘光了

超级难过。。 T.T

T.T!!!

还好我念的这一门，
用到的算数只不过好像1+1 罢了



要自强！ 要上进！不要像烂泥般爬不上墙！



xiaoming

无题

一时糊涂把label粘错瓶子，
我把Lab 的第一个“O”鸡蛋带回家了

无奈。。。

小明

无题

我什么都不要。。。
只要回
我失去的
方向。。。

无题

Home, is the place where we've grown,
played, cried and laughed,
and been loved.

That's home....
That's home...

Home, is the feeling, of joy and hope,
its the feeling of being protected and cared for.

The scent, the feel,
the lighting, the atmosphere....
It's the everything,
that made HOME so special, so irreplaceable..



xiaoming

望月

昼夜虫鸣窗外起
咸水滴湿纸和笔
有夜无眠灯火明
寄人篱下愁不去

把酒问天何时逢
娥眉嘲讽浪子穷
心枯情萎来又走
水打江岸沙更流


小明

孤单杂锦曲

草于7月21日2009年

黄昏
那一阵
东北风

把枯落的枫
卷成参差的音符
奏出来的
是什么旋律

是伤感 还是 悲戚



久未平复的心灵
摸不着
那单路线
向左，
向右。。。
。。。。
我可否
向后退？


哭泣
究竟是什么把戏
泪水
兑换回的
除了那一点儿
痛快

难道也能熄灭
想要失控
放声
呐喊
的欲望
和行为？


徘徊
在空荡的
心情交界处

我的焦虑
一不小心
被冷汗拆穿了

掩饰不了
倘有一大半的
孤单
和无助感



我累了
喘了
此刻只想随着
池塘里的那一对
鸳鸯
拍翅 而去

到另一个
没有爱
没感情 的世界
活着
直到
下一个世纪




小明

无题

只能深深的叹一口气。。。
然后又向隔天清晨的
那条无人小径
起程去。。

无题

我不POST， 不是没灵感。。
而是没有那种心情。
有些东西写了给自己读还是比较好

要开学了。。 开始忙了。。 暂时告别blogspot一阵子。。。
I promise, 我还会继续写下去。。
或许有点空闲的时候，就慢慢release在draft 里面的东西。。

祝大家开开心心过日子，念书念好来，身强体壮. :)


小明

善忘

你是否
发现
当你的嘴角
稍微翘起的时候
我的魂魄
早已凌乱

暗爽
今天又能
见到你。。

。。不。。！
那不是
昨天吗？
..还是前天。。？?



那张脸
很熟悉。。
但是
我记不起
是梦里的
哪个仙女

怎么形容
你的美。。
要用什么词汇。。

我真的不会

因为我的确
忘记了
是什么样的
脸蛋 眼神
和 气质

能激发
我这股无名的
兴奋
还有
掠夺了
我整夜睡眠
的肾上腺素

卧在床边
的时候
双手
抱在胸膛
取暖

和天花板
对立的当儿
我不禁问道：

咦。。。
那是
谁家的女孩？



小明

海浪和青苔

扑通。。。
沙。。。。。。
扑通。。，
沙。。。。。。

从远处
我看见浪潮

扑通。。。
沙。。。。。。
扑通。。。
沙。。。。。。

浪水
打上岸来
的那一片刻

把记忆摊开
在黄金色的呦沙上

扑通。。。
沙。。。。。。
扑通。。。
沙。。。。。。

潮水
统统被印度洋
收回的时候

遍布在斯卡布罗
海岸线上的

陈年旧事
也被一一刮走
散去

扑通。。。
沙。。。。。。
扑通。。。
沙。。。。。。

扑通。。。
我此时此刻
只想坐在这里
被浪潮的乐曲
宠溺

沙。。。。
如果你是海浪的化生
我愿意
成为礁石上的青苔

在不眠的沙滩上
陪你，和海风
刮呀刮

打在我的身躯上
直到
第二天的
黎明


扑通。。。。。
沙。。。



小明

路人乙

人行接踵而来
也如烟似的
快快散去

急凑
边沿化了
毛毛雨


你低头
我撑伞
滑翔在各自的
世界里

我曾经迷恋的
热闹人群
何时变得
如此冰冷，无情？
世界变了吗？
还是
人们都变了？

独自在栏杆上
摇晃
探测
许久没动静，
但依然在操作的
现实

我才发觉到
曾经在脸上
给我讲故事的

哥哥 小姐
叔叔 和安娣

如今只不过是
擦肩而过的
路人乙。

小明

KIASU

输了，会要人命吗？
就算输掉了江山，人，真的会变得那么难看吗？

想了好久，发现到，
其实人最丑陋的不是 输
而是“怕输”

因为怕输而把别人踩在脚底
即使是赢了，会是有什么好风光的吗？

有些东西我好久好久都想不通
但今天，我看清了，
当人怕输的时候，
的所作所为，
是可以这么难看的。。。


小明

躺在甲虫车上

如果我在
殖民老店旁
的小巷
与 马车 和 时间
一起串行
流逝而去


假使我是
蔚蓝天空里
冷面无情的朝云
随风散去
一去
就不再回头


要是我被
自己的影子
自己的过去
击败
然后退缩
无法再前进
只能流浪在
无底的深渊


倘使我有
心
和感受
却无法摆脱
被冷漠捆绑

忘不了
那一片刻的美
却知道
它已远离


假若
我双手托着后脑
躺在
那一辆甲虫车
的车盖上

等待

梦想

你会不会
依偎的睡着
在我身旁





小明

The Tale of Peter Pan

In Memory of Michael Jackson
The King of All Music
1958-2009


你何时能够回来？

全世界的
男， 女， 老， 少
自你陷入低潮
的那一天
直到现在
都在等待
你的归来


你这么挥袖一走
谁也想不到
也没预料到
我曾尝试模仿的
月球漫步
已经绝迹

从旧卡带里奏出的
Black or White

成了绝响


世人的眼中
你是恋童的成人
但无所谓啊。。
你还是
上帝 的小孩

世人亏待了你
勒索你
践踏你
甚至有些
恨你

恨你有本事
作慈善
嫉妒你有勇气
表现自己
不过这也无所谓嘛。。
法庭已为你
主持公道

良心
也给了你 力量
准备那最后一次
在伦敦的复出

MJ，
你何时能够回来

唱出
无双的 曲调
再次为大家跳出
轻盈的舞步？

我想 你已经
投入天父的怀抱

和天使打成一片

在你永恒的
梦幻仙岛
笑看
凡夫们的丑陋

还有你 那仍在
闪亮
的过去

Rest in Peace MJ,
we will miss you dearly

小明

R.I.P Michael Jackson

Dies at 50.
You'll be remembered, by the world.

Michael Jackson is my all time favorite. He was a man who endured so much, in fact, too much, even for a pop star.

Being accused of molesting children was the most severe blow to his career few years ago, but cleared his name eventually. I still firmly believe he had been wrongfully accused.

"Black or White" by MJ is a song that I grew up listening to, with other songs like Earth Song, Beat It, as my top favorite.

Nothing much I want to say here, except, rest in peace Michael Jackson, you're forever the King of Pop.

Xiao Ming

飘移

别怀疑，我飘移在这里的道路上。

。

好啦，不骗你们了。其实昨晚看了 TOKYO　ＤＲＩＦＴ，　觉得这部电影很不错。。我喜欢。不仅是剧情很好，而且飘移的镜头都让我看傻了眼。

就让我来吟一吟飘移诗吧。。

在飘雨中飘移
向着漆黑的马路
刮出一道刺鼻塑胶味
的轮胎痕迹
就像人生的高潮点
留下了惦记
然后再随着时间
和无情
淡了过去

甩车尾
抛车身
Ｍｉｔｓｕｂｉｓｈｉ１９７７款式
飞跃在半空
然后再降地转圈圈
在另一个时代的东京
又复燃了
已久失的威水
雄风


一代接一代
飘移王
一个换一个
不同的款式
和风范

谁能甩车尾
谁能和光速搏斗
并且超越凡人的时空

就是某个时代
在没有时速限制
的螺状山腰上
称霸的
飘移王

小明

Chocolate !

Although I'm a boy, I've always loved chocolate.

I do not particularly like sweet taste, but the sweetness of both chocolate and honey can really melt me down.

Jerk was the one who triggered the long-suppressed-chocolate-activating-gene in me by giving me a bar of Toblerone. It costs him $2 dollars because it was on a sale and he grabbed one for me.

Then, within a month, I bought one big bar of 40% dark chocolate (Cadbury) for $3.00.

Then, bought another bar of dark chocolate 70% at Frementle..

and...


today....


I BOUGHT ANOTHER BIG BIG BAR OF DARK CHOCOLATE 70% from Broadway!

All within 1 month!



When and how can I stopped this? I still have a pile of Easter Chocolate left at home!!!!



xiaoming

Watching MYWS at Frementle

Well, Jerk went out with me for the movie MYWS yesterday... The trip was good, because we went to Frementle Essex Cinema.. The cinema itself is perhaps the smallest cinema in Frementle, and the show....... we'll talk about the show later...


The best part of the Frementle trip is that we get to walk around the small yet cultural town, and had our lunch at Cecerello's fish n chips.. My main mission to Frementle is actually to raid the chocolate factory, and yea, I did... Plundered the only choco factory and almost eat up all their free chocolate samples.. Muahaha... At last, and at least, I bought a 60% Dark Chocolate bar from them.

Then, its time to talk about the movie itself. My Year Without Sex is probably an amateur local Australian film. 5 Minutes before the screening time, there were only me and Jerk sitting in the cinema. Then, 3 locals walked in. Gee... Thank goodness we were not alone. LoL

My Year Without Sex generally depicts how an average income australian family tries to make ends meet, after being hit with unexpected tragedy. Halfway during the screening, I started to feel suffocated from the lack of oxygen in that cinema... Conclusion, its not a nice film. Lousy plot. I believe another local film " Australia" and " Sunshine Cleaning" would be more interesting than MYWS.

Anyhow , still have to thank Nuffnang Australia for that free tix! Nuffnang, give away silver screen movie pass next time k? I'll surely support Nuffnang! Haha

By the way, please put up advertisement for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nuffnang, Pleasssssssssssssssssssssseeee!!!!!!!



xiaoming

星星

夜晚的星空

这里一闪， 那里亮

数兆的星火

你们

在与谁争艳？

万里长空

东一个，西一颗

试问

思念的感觉是如何？

你光年里穿梭

我却停留在

某年某月某日

的那一时刻

我掠了你的幻影一把

一起停留在那个时空

你，不在意吧？

抬头瞄一瞄

偷窥你在亿年前

对这荒野的地球

回眸一笑

我深深地吸了一口冬天的寒风

然后

呼。。。。。。

犹如特效的一口烟霾，

朦胧了月光

我又在地球的某个角落

空虚的 独自

仰慕着你

还有那荒野外

的星群

小明

How to be YOUNG?

Someone please tell me how to LOOK and SOUND younger. Not asking for advice on how to become more childish, but how to be YOUNGER.

My physical appearance? My speech? My actions? My facial expression? My wearing? What else? And How?

FAST FAST gimme suggestions on how to become a YOUNGER-21-year-old. Fast lar! Haiyo..

Feeling, Lost.

万千灯火燃深夜;天未拂晓，奈何情火早已熄灭,
一阵狂风黎明吹;地已觉醒，唯有枫香悠久依在.

上半句为小明之作，下半句为家盛友人配的下联


Now I understand why,
my feeling is just not right.

It's hard to explain to you,
why I have to be a clown forever
and why I can never be your twilight

And I have just realized,
you have had too much joy, love and fun,
which I can promise you none,
and in fact, I fear I can never ever give you one.

Like in the case that,
I'm a self-proclaim Christian;
superficial faith is not in sight,
not even one tiny single bit;
but deep inside my heart,
Christ is my savior and my guide.
Perhaps I should just forget it
turn around and walk away
as if I've never came across your smile
and demeanor;

but far beyond my self-control,
there is one thing,
and only one-
which is my Feeling,
-that will never sway an inch away from you,
since the very beginning of time.


Xiao Ming

无题

无限的想象，要是我活在巴洛克时代。。。
I'm in love with J.S Bach.

夜雨

海风强力一刮

呼*呼*呼

打在这四面围墙
乘着顺风车的雨点
也不经意的
泼在无眠的玻璃窗

来吧一串串的水珠
为我串出黑白幻灯片
把小时候
被雨声盖过的抽泣
或是
在沟渠旁折纸船的欢笑
暂时还给我
就这一夜吧

儿时在屋檐旁
望着漆黑的下雨
闪电 雷声 此起彼落
我在发呆着
听着 青蛙 和下雨
在不断的对唱

而我当今
依然在寻觅
那些年 的天真
无顾虑的 优哉

不知北部沙滩
的海水
是不是在咆哮

呼*呼*呼

狂风夜雨 围堵了
西海岸
和我沉思的 漫漫长路


小明

(End of the dry spell in WA :-) )