Handling emotional situations like a farewell, to me is almost something I've mastered in my teaching career. I can bare the most awkward situations where students cry infront of me, and the worst I can ever imagine is some silly public confessions by cute little girls. While packing my things and cleaning the mess on my table this morning, students who were acknowledged of my transfer came by my desk and looked at me with serious faces.
"Why so serious? "(was possessed by joker).
Those imps who I felt like crushing their skulls yesterday, appeared so quiet and obedient now, and one thing I like about their culture is that, the very basic respect they have for the elders. Of course, they wished me lucks, and I did not say much but replied with light nods and smile. The satisfaction of becoming a teacher is indeed not that kind of praise or approval to your services, but its to see your school kids learning something at school, discovering themselves as special individuals, each and everyone of them.
Nevertheless, my last day at work at the school today had not been like any others.
Although I wont be there anymore the next day, I still went into classes. I taught them something called Excellent Thoughts. Great philosophies by Bill Gates, Einstein, and Thomas Edison. I told them each person has their own thoughts, but not all are correct. Everyone has also their own flaws, but not all are always bad. In everybody, I believe that, there is something that really worth exploring and appreciating. Today, as usual, Sayuti leaned his chest forward, and both hands embracing his Braille typewriter. Listening to my speech carefully, he knew that I was leaving. Maybe that was why I did not see his usually casual, quiet grin.
This is Sayuti and his Braille Typewriter
Before my last lecture in that class ended, I held Sayuti's hands tight and said "Hey, remember to work hard no matter what..Read more books..err.. Refer to books always and remember to do alot of revisions before the exam. You gotta work hard ok?"
He did not raise his head up to me. But he kept nodding his head and said, " Ya Cikgu. Dapat Cikgu."
That hurts. I was just trying to be optimistic. Advising him to study more, so that he could become very outstanding one day. But I knew that his fate is just not gonna be like any of his friends around him. I knew what I said were contradicting my heartfelts, my so called "liang2 xin1". Dang, this is the feeling that is most awkward and annoying to me, in which I couldnt do much to hide my own distress.
I walked into the class with only 10 so-called 'excellent thoughts' in my hand; but I walked out the door with a million thoughts in my mind.
As I was preparing to punch out today, I deliberately peeked into that class again. And Anis, a Special Student like Sayuti, was actually guiding normal students who had missed their notes during the lectures. While she was reading the text out loud and confident to her friends, I felt that there is still a heck long way to go in their lives, and luckily, I can, at least, see their future in a piece, not shattered by their inability to see.
And without knowing it, I was smiling again, alone, from afar.
Xiao Ming
* I would like to thank Mr. Mohd. Zaman, one of the experienced teacher in Special Education Department for his care and love for the disabled. Unlike other teachers, he and his dedicated team have been sincerely helping a group of unfortunate kids in this society; guiding them when they need guidance, shining rays of hope into their lives in the future. *
一九九七年的邮集簿。
