LiveStation Message


Life Is Too Short,
Break The Rules, Forgive Quickly,
Kiss Slowly, Love Truly,
Laugh Uncontrollably,
And Never Regret Anything
That Made You Smile.
Life May Not Be The Party
We Hoped For,
But While We're Here, We Should Dance...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

百宝箱~回忆录

今天是农历八月十五。虽然雾水把月圆给蒙上了一层,但是向来年尾的冰冷夜晚还是一样的寂静。原本想抽出一小会儿来提灯笼的,但是始终还是打不起那份精神来与邻居凑凑热闹。心里,总是觉得很空虚。本少爷脾气还算不错,但是发起头疯来的时候,连什么最好的东西都是没有味道的。可能就因此,世间所谓的“乌托班”根本不在我幻想范围内。 或许是刚才没能好好的仰慕月亮的娇气,心情很是烦躁低落,坐立不安的。想找人倾诉, 四周, 寂静;我被无奈和空荡的四周压迫的很辛苦.我把身子扑在桌上,双臂托着我的脸....忽然,我想起了,桌下的那个铁箱..... 我差点儿忘它的存在.



去年的今天,我,也是孤独的,孤立的。我思想守旧,一旦对某些东西或事情有了感情之后,要放弃总是最为难的时候。我的旧鞋子,破衣服 烂书本 考卷纸 发黄的旧照像 等,我还是没法把它们清除。就连当初朋友离别时请我吃的巧克力包装纸,事经四年了,还是静静的被锁在我的那旧抽屉内。翻开那充满回忆的四方铁格,我好不容易又回忆起童年的趣事。看见以前和实习老师的合照,我抬头对这天花板凝视,企图把她的名字从回忆捞取回来。。。。 拍写,我真的,还是想不起。 :P



翻啊翻,我又无意中捡到一张破旧的收条。收据的日期写着年份1998年,买的手表是CASIO牌子,价格是当时的八十元正。十年了,我还不舍得丢掉它,因为那是爹给我买的第一支手表,而现在我左手腕上的这一支便是多年前的那一个。看看已经刮花的塑料手表,就想起这支手表与我走过的一切酸甜苦辣。曾经,我很想把它一手给扔进家前的大沟渠里,因为怨恨父亲把我刮了一巴掌;我曾经恨他对我下手太重,在闹市里把我打到满脸鼻血。但是,我也还未忘记,就在我和纪律老师“僵持不下”的时候,老爸却放下身份向老师鞠躬道歉;更把我的过错挥制在一旁。虽然那一幕在我的记忆中早已模糊散去,但,他,原谅了我;而我,还记得。那支腕表,我还留着。


哦?怎么会有这一个像框?像框里头的照片我很熟悉,但是,照片里的人事物,却令我产生了莫名的生疏。啊!那个就是我。。看着自己倘胖嘟嘟的身材,不知不觉嘴角两边都轻轻的攀上了脸颊。当时的我,形象什么都是假的,只有邋遢恶心最适合表达我的外观。咦,那不就是慧悟吗?那个班长是这些年来我看过最潇洒不过的一个。讲话口无遮拦,虽然说话听起来很废,但是都是实话。。。我赞! 凝视照片当儿,我也看见了她。她曾是学长,又是华乐团的,坐在老师的旁边还是挺有气派的。我曾说过,镜子里的她犹如画中漫步出来的仙子;现在想想又有点儿好笑。可笑是我觉得自己还是蛮痴情的,明知不可能还是傻傻地等了好几年。以前学校文学创作用来描述她的一举一动,现在想起来都感觉肉麻到有肌肉综合性抽痉的倾向;用在这儿,毛骨悚然绝对不是个夸张的形容词。无论如何,我想通啦。这样死缠烂打只会令人烦倦;至于她能够礼貌的拒绝那份告白,我也想在此向她致谢。说到最后,她,还是蛮可爱的 :D

想到这里,艾。。。。事情还过得挺快的。。收一样东西就收了整七八年,还没算到给我弄出土的那个名字胸章,也是一年级的林老师亲手给我戴上的。。哇。。。 十三年了。。: -)


想起来这些点点滴滴,有感未来生活其实不止是一场戏,而是一场自己导演的戏;要温馨要伤心,要感恩要痛恨,要遗忘要铭记,包括要放弃完美的结局或要为自己上演一段美丽的结果,全部都像是导演拍不完的片断一样值得期待。。。一样的,已落幕的过去,也是一样值得去怀抱,去回忆。
....................
............
夜,已深了;人,也累了。
生锈的铁抽屉摩擦一声响,我把过去都一股脑儿给收好来了。


一九九七年的邮集簿




pikachu, i choose you! 2001





当年IHSAN请我的:P





不用找我了。。小学的我,是害羞,自闭的。。照相很少有我的出现
里头都是我的同班朋友。那位就是当时的实习老师。




小时是球迷,长大后就不是了。。但这份报纸很有纪念价值:D



九八年买手表的收据



她,给我写的一些评语。我已经努力纠正自己了:D



小明

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Long Lost Feeling

Think I developed "waiting-for-someone-in-msn syndrome" recently.
It was a long time before I remembered waiting for somebody to online in MSN. God please save me from this. I'm so afraid of it :-(

Thursday, September 18, 2008

风筝飞


风儿吹,似流水般,
轻扶我水面透气。
挣扎,
与自己的叛逆对抗,
犹如沉溺在急流的小孩.

路人皆为我而安静的感到怜惜,
但事实始终都要我原地打转,
就只因为
光阴无法摧毁我的记忆。



风儿吹
你是个纸制的竹架风筝,
你在高飞时,
我在跑啊跑;
兴奋的眼神没有谁不知。

你飞翔时的那片影子,
把烈阳遮盖了脸颊的一边,
另一只眼睛依然不畏惧,
前意识的眯上了,
但只要还能看到你,
我双手
还是会紧握着那鱼线。
我,
依旧跑个不停。



风儿吹,你已飞了多高?
希望我扯一扯,
还有我
无目的地的跑啊跑,
能把你越带越高。

天真的妄想,
你能呼吸到银河系的空气;
愿你能够越飞越高...

绿色的武拉必草场上,
只有我为你感到骄傲。



风儿吹,什么都熄得了,
就是没能把我决心吹掉。

那天傍晚
我与大风搏斗,
那双小手
颤抖把线条拉呀拉
不停的收回
你已远离我的躯体。


“嗒!”


多么希望
那是树干被折断的奏曲,
但手上只有断了的弦,
还有被割破的手掌心;
已冷却的流血,
只能感受在心底。



风儿吹,我闭上眼睛,
一脸毫不在意的表情,
掩饰了心底,
在沉溺的自己。

竹架风筝啊,
你到底在哪里?

长大后才知道,
人类最远只到过月亮。
那你该还没到过太阳吧?



五六年了,
操场上的妖媚风筝
我一点儿也不感兴趣
你的脸孔

你的飞跃
依然是我的最熟悉。



风儿吹,长大后的某一天,
希望我能
不顾仪态的跑啊跑,
也许那时身穿破旧的校衣;
或是长袖和领带,
脚步轻快的踏在雨后的草地上,

向那已放晴的蓝空狂喊



“风筝,你回来啦!”





小明

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Behind The Braille Part II

Handling emotional situations like a farewell, to me is almost something I've mastered in my teaching career. I can bare the most awkward situations where students cry infront of me, and the worst I can ever imagine is some silly public confessions by cute little girls. While packing my things and cleaning the mess on my table this morning, students who were acknowledged of my transfer came by my desk and looked at me with serious faces.


"Why so serious? "(was possessed by joker).


Those imps who I felt like crushing their skulls yesterday, appeared so quiet and obedient now, and one thing I like about their culture is that, the very basic respect they have for the elders. Of course, they wished me lucks, and I did not say much but replied with light nods and smile. The satisfaction of becoming a teacher is indeed not that kind of praise or approval to your services, but its to see your school kids learning something at school, discovering themselves as special individuals, each and everyone of them.


Nevertheless, my last day at work at the school today had not been like any others.


Although I wont be there anymore the next day, I still went into classes. I taught them something called Excellent Thoughts. Great philosophies by Bill Gates, Einstein, and Thomas Edison. I told them each person has their own thoughts, but not all are correct. Everyone has also their own flaws, but not all are always bad. In everybody, I believe that, there is something that really worth exploring and appreciating. Today, as usual, Sayuti leaned his chest forward, and both hands embracing his Braille typewriter. Listening to my speech carefully, he knew that I was leaving. Maybe that was why I did not see his usually casual, quiet grin.


This is Sayuti and his Braille Typewriter



Before my last lecture in that class ended, I held Sayuti's hands tight and said "Hey, remember to work hard no matter what..Read more books..err.. Refer to books always and remember to do alot of revisions before the exam. You gotta work hard ok?"


He did not raise his head up to me. But he kept nodding his head and said, " Ya Cikgu. Dapat Cikgu."


That hurts. I was just trying to be optimistic. Advising him to study more, so that he could become very outstanding one day. But I knew that his fate is just not gonna be like any of his friends around him. I knew what I said were contradicting my heartfelts, my so called "liang2 xin1". Dang, this is the feeling that is most awkward and annoying to me, in which I couldnt do much to hide my own distress.


I walked into the class with only 10 so-called 'excellent thoughts' in my hand; but I walked out the door with a million thoughts in my mind.


As I was preparing to punch out today, I deliberately peeked into that class again. And Anis, a Special Student like Sayuti, was actually guiding normal students who had missed their notes during the lectures. While she was reading the text out loud and confident to her friends, I felt that there is still a heck long way to go in their lives, and luckily, I can, at least, see their future in a piece, not shattered by their inability to see.

And without knowing it, I was smiling again, alone, from afar.



Xiao Ming

* I would like to thank Mr. Mohd. Zaman, one of the experienced teacher in Special Education Department for his care and love for the disabled. Unlike other teachers, he and his dedicated team have been sincerely helping a group of unfortunate kids in this society; guiding them when they need guidance, shining rays of hope into their lives in the future. *